What else can one say, really? Having viewed hundreds of hours of indescribable weirdness spewed forth from The Land of the Rising Sun over a period of years, I may have finally reached my limit. I have been struck dumb with fantastical nonsense; my brain unhinged by ultra-violent absurdity. I have been laid low by RoboGeisha.
From Noboru Iguchi, director of Machine Girl, RoboGeisha is the story of a robot geisha who fights ninjas, other robot geishas and robot geisha ninjas. The trailer consists of a long list of various robot geisha attributes, read aloud by a man with a ball-gag in his mouth. We learn that RoboGeisha has swords in her arms and that she can shoot rockets. She can also transform into a car, which is especially helpful when fighting assassins with mini-guns instead of breasts. Also, tengu milk. I’ll offer no explanation for that last one, you’ll just have to see it for yourself.
Bookended by scenes from an episode of Rod Serling’s Night Gallery, entitled “Professor Peabody’s Last Lecture” what follows is madness of the highest order. I can’t really explain what ensues but it involves J-Pop and choreographed dance moves.
Plumbed from the depths of Something Awful comes one goon’s justification for rape; a heady mixture of pseudo-philosophical posturing with healthy doses of nerd-rage and unfulfilled sado-fetishistic fantasies. Surely, however, this would be nothing but another shut-in’s rant on the internet without the aid of the two Playmobil-inspired individuals. It is most certainly their vacant eyes, the inexplicable nudity of the male character, the silent, smiling demeanor of his lady friend that make Stephen Hawking’s monotonous exposition that much more unsettling. Don’t even ask why they’re on a tennis court. Just. Don’t.
This is one of those clips that any comment from yours truly would ruin. Let it be said that patience is a virtue and by the time the video concludes, you’ll know why this has appeared in our pages.
There seems to be some dispute amongst the animals of the woods as to whether or not Mr. Ando is a penguin as he claims or is, in actuality, a human. There is no disputing that all of the aforementioned animals have the same, human face or that a fish sings a song about loving Mr. Ando and wishing to sleep with him even though he is a fish and smells very fishy. All this from the mind of Takashi Taniguchi.
Anyone who follows Eliza on Twitter is well aware of her penchant for proselytizing. The fervor with which she applies herself to her evangelical pursuits is laudable though, a tad overzealous. At times her feed reads like the wails of a thousand banshees.
Reading the description for MS. ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG-ANDERSON’S 648 page screed, written entirely in block caps, it struck me that here is the book Ms. Gauger would have written, nay, has been writing this entire time, in 140 character bursts. MS. ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG-ANDERSON seems to merely have beaten her to the printer:
THIS IS A HOLYSPIRIT MANUSCRIPT BOOK: WHEN YOU BUY THIS BOOK YOU WILL BE READING A HOLYSPIRIT DIRECTED BOOK FROM GOD; & *CHRIST JESUS. THIS BOOK IS GODS HOLYSPIRIT VOICE: THE CALL FOR ALL CHRISTIANS & CHURCHES TO REPENT FROM ALL THEIR SINS: EVEN FROM FALSE CHRIST TEACHINGS. BIRTH CONTROL SINS HAVE CURSE THE CHURCH WITH SPIRITUAL WHOREDOM & FALSE WORSHIP. RESULTING IN THE PERSECUTIONS: AGAINST THE HOLY PEOPLE. THIS BOOK MAY BE REVISED: BECAUSE OF COMPUTER DICTATORS: MANY WORDS IN THIS BOOK: MADE HAVE BEEN CHANGED: TO>>DISCREDIT: THE AUTHOR. BUT IN TRUTH: I AM A HOLYSPIRIT CHOSEN ANOINTED DISCIPLE FOR GOD & CHRIST JESUS. EVEN FOR JEWS, MUSLIMS & GENTILE SINNERS. MANY PEOPLE WILL LEARN HOW TO> BECOME REAL BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN: THROUGH THIS HOLYSPIRIT BOOK & THROUGH THE PROTECTION & SUPPORT OF MY HOLYSPIRIT LIFE!! […] REMEMBER: GOD HAS MADE ME A HOLYSPIRIT VOICE FOR THE BRIDE OF GOD & CHRIST JESUS IN 1996 GOD TOLD ME TO TEACH THE GOSPEL ON CABLE TELEVISION IN TUCSON ARIZONA.
For those more interested in the Cliff’s Notes version — or simply don’t have the $135.00 handy to purchase this magnificent tome — a reviewer named David has your back:
That’s right kids.
Don’t be doing the sex thing.
But if you are be doing the sex thing, don’t be taking no pills or putting no rubber things on your ding dong to prevent god’s babies.
After all, we need more crazy people to write more nonsense like this.
A disturbing trend has been spreading its way across YouTube. Across this great nation children, those young, innocent, sinless trustees of our future, are crushing up candy tablets into powder, inhaling it into their mouths before expelling it, giving the illusion of smoking. It’s horrible.
What has happened to today’s youth. In my day we didn’t use such chicanery to facilitate our desire to look cool. No, when we wanted to feel bad-ass and adult we stole cigarettes from our parents, or got Jimmy Hanson’s brother, who had been in eighth grade for at least 6 years and had a full moustache, to purchase cigarettes for us; allowing us to awkwardly light up and clumsily draw carcinogens directly into our fragile, virgin lungs.
So look on and despair, because these are the people who will helm this ship once you and I are arthritic and incontinent. It’s time to take a stand people; time to grab your kids and instill in them a reverence for danger and willful bodily harm. If you ever find your child “smoking” Smarties, it is your duty as a parent to smack it right out of their hands and shove a Marlboro into their mouth, and not a Marlboro Light either, I’m talking about a full-flavored, Cowboy Killer. It may seem harsh but really, it’s the only way they’re going to learn.
The title character from Kamen Rider X (Masked Rider X) battles Starfish Hitler, member of the evil Government of Darkness.
This is twice in one week that the Daily WTF has featured one of history’s most infamous moustachioed villains and yet, combined, they do not approach the level of WTF found in the post directly below. That, dear readers, is the work of a professional.
Ye gods. Once the image of a sun containing Hitler’s face rising over an idyllic landscape passed before my eyes I knew that it was too early for my brain to process this sort of thing and I had not yet consumed nearly enough caffeine. From the Danish talk show “Den 11. Time”.
The inherent creepiness found in much of children’s television only really becomes apparent when one enters adulthood. It is only then that we have at last forgotten just exactly what we found so entertaining back in our formative years; back before logic wrapped itself, vise-like, around reality.
Certainly this must be the case, for how else to explain the twisted menagerie of creatures that can be found, parading about for the entertainment of the young? How else do we reconcile the idea of an anthropomorphic record — foul grin on its face — slamming two spoons together in direct opposition of rhythm and tempo whilst dancing, haltingly, to “cooter music”?
Better to remember enjoying them, I think, lest we have to admit to having done some extraordinary damage to our psyches because, should that, indeed, be the case who then is to answer for such crimes? Who among us is blameless anymore?
Kure Kure Takora (Gimme Gimme Octopus) is a children’s television show that aired in Japan from 1973 to 1974, running for 260, two minute and forty-one second episodes. It featured a cast of characters led by Kure Kure Takora an octopus who has a propensity for exclaiming “Kure! Kure!” (”I want it! I want it!”) and who —along with the rest of the cast— is enamored of the pink walrus Munro. The show is delightfully bizarre in a way that only the Japanese have managed to perfect, in the sense that each episode feels like a horrible NyQuil induced hallucination featuring characters inspired by a sushi menu. All 260 episodes can be found at the link below.
In sheer defiance of the World Wide Web Consortium's will, Ectomo was designed using a non-web-standard font. Luckily, it is included in the excellent font pack released by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, which can be freely downloaded in Mac and PC formats here. Ectomo should still look fine without it, though.
