Two Reasons Why Bioshock Is Ectomo’s Game Of The Year

Despite the fact that you — a genetic freak with pustulous boils erupting from your elecrtified fist — are fighting for your very survival, warily watching the ceilings lest a gravitationally defying spider splicer drop down and pull your guts out through your navel, dodging the monstrous drill bits of golems in antique diving suits that desperately yearn to chew through your sternum… there’s always time to kick back, chomp the stem of a cherry wood apple bowl and light up a fat bowl of heady latakia.

Prepubescent cephalophilia in chalk drawings. I can’t tell you how I got here, or what this scene portends, since it’s a significant spoiler. Let’s just say I refrained from splattering these darling girls brains all over the ground with my insanely overpowered wrenching skills, simply so as not to drown their happy squid.