Although Mrs. Buttermer’s fourth grade class had suffered through their teacher’s profane (but boring) necromancy lessons in lieu of a rainy day’s recess before, the true import of the experiments only ever revealed itself to the lunkish class daydreamer, Chet, far too special and swollen-tongued to report on his findings and finally earn that much elusive ‘A’.
The dwindling bee population is an issue that concerns us greatly. Not only do we enjoy the sweet fruits of bee labor, but the glorious gardens through which we wheel Ross on his day trips from “the home” would cease to exist were it not for the hard work of our striped mascot’s forebears.
Adam Makarenko is a photographer that grieves the tragic loss of the bee with us, producing stunning photographs of the world of Langstroth Range, a bee paradise in which they drift lazily among fields populated with only the most rare, delectable plants and take on a monstrous size more in keeping with the pants-shitting terror they inspire in the uninformed.
There remains no explanation for the mysterious disappearance of the bees, but if there is indeed a just and loving Creator in this universe it has transported them to this wonderland free from cell phone death rays and douchebag frat boys with a freezer and some string. Now if only I could find a saddle and a way in.
The strange skeleton of this woefully fictional beast hangs in the Vancouver Art Gallery (whose acronym I couldn’t help but notice is unintentionally hilarious). The wires that hold it aloft seem more like chains than supports; this creature wants to move, to writhe in the quixotic ecstasy of its own existence, cutting a graceful swath through the night sky. Where it wants to move, I want to live; a world in which I can cast my gaze to the night sky to be treated with the ethereal dance of its kind.
Ariana Page Russel suffers from a condition called dermotographia, which causes her body to exhibit extreme hypersensitivity via an immune response. Any time Ariana’s skin is lightly scratched or irritated hives and welts spring up in the irritated area, usually lasting around a half hour.
Where some might find this an annoyance to be dealt with or ignored, Ariana utilizes her condition as an artistic medium, scratching patterns and writing into her skin, then photographing the often beautiful result. Ariana Page Russel, by dint of her innovative creativity, is the very definition of a Deviant Artist.
A brief peek at upcoming film, Coraline, on this quiet post-Xmas day. Originally a story by Neal Gaiman, Coraline follows the departure of a young girl (whose name I defy you to guess) into a world of doppleganger parents and ghostly children.
Coraline marks the first use of stereoscopy in a stop-motion film, ostensibly providing a sense of depth never before seen in stop-motion. Prospects of newfound depth and beauty in a wholly underrepresented form of cinema is enough to get me in a theater seat; add ghost children that aren’t being used as a horror film cliche and you can consider my (and hopefully your) tentacles tickled.
If you’re wondering why there are no new episodes of The Maxx you may blame Viacom who, at some point yesterday, swept through YouTube and removed them. Ah well. There is plenty of strangeness left to fill the void. Witness, and be entertained:
• First up is Paranoia Agent, the television series from anime filmmaker Satoshi Kon. If you have never seen any of his work, do not let the seemingly nonsensical opening throw you off, this is one of the most mature and intelligent series done in the past few years. Beware the boy with the golden bat…
• Ah FLCL, also known as Fooly Cooly, a series that was decidedly nonsensical. There are few ways to describe this short, six episode series, that would give you any impressions of it other than “Whaaaa?” which is, most likely, the same reaction you’ll have after having watched it.
• Musical Interlude! If you are uninterested, now would be a good time to refill your bowl of Cocoa Puffs or use the restroom. Our show will resume momentarily.
• Two episodes of Courage the Cowardly Dog, “Cabaret Courage” and “Freaky Fred”, which follows a long tradition of worthwhile cartoons by appealing to adults as well as children, without frightening/confusing/boring the latter. “Hello, new friend, my name is Fred. I said, my name is Fred; the words you hear are in my head. I say, I said, my name is Fred and I’ve been very NAAAUGHTY.”
• The Real Ghostbusters, the first episode, entitled “Knock Knock”, written, as many of the first two seasons were, by J. Michael Straczynski. Before the series lightened up in the third season, in order to appeal to a wider and younger audience, this show was, at times, genuinely scary and always brilliantly animated. That quality of animation is especially apparent here.
This video (and stupidly enjoyable track) must have cost at least a cool million, but the Backstreet Boys didn’t care. They were riding high on Lou Perlman’s buggery adoration, they had legions of teenage girls at their beck and call, and it was the nineties, so nobody bothered telling them (to their faces) how stupid they looked, acted, and sounded.
When you’re that rich, that vaunted, and that young, what can you do? Why, a Thriller rip-off that will live in infamy for a chosen few, of course. Namely, me and the rest of the malcontents who were impressionable youth during that cursed era.
And by impressionable, I mean we thought backflipping werewolves were pretty much the golden apex of comedy. We still think that.
Why am I posting this on Cthursday? Pay attention to the gangly gentleman in the deceptively intellectual glasses, with the briefcase and the obsession with staring away from the camera at exactly a ninety-degree angle. I assume he’s supposed to be some sort of Jekyll/Hyde manifestation, but his bifurcation is less monstrous than it is piscean. My hypothesis is that some concept artist snuck that one past the board, giggling into his dog-eared copy of the Compleat Works of Lovecraft the while.
But I don’t think backflipping werewolves had to be snuck past anyone.
By all accounts Major Thomas Weir and his sister Jean were lovely people if, perhaps, just a tad on the overly pious side. Born in 1599 he had a significant military record as Covenanting soldier and he was captain of the town guard until 1650. Devout Presbyterians, Weir was preacher at his local church and he and his sister lived on Edinburgh’s West Bow, a street full of so many devout Presbyterians that those who lived there were known as the “Bowhead Saints”. In fact, Weir was known as being one of the purest and most active in his community, which he was seen frequently patrolling, his ever present black thornwood staff in hand.
He lived to the ripe old age of 70, when, in 1670, he was executed. You see there was only one problem with Major Thomas Weir: he had been leading a double life as a warlock and serial pervert. Continue Reading…
The Hand of Glory — a mythical thief’s artifact that casts light viewable only by the cutpurse holding it, generally made with a human hand, chopped off from someone hung at the gallows (if my memory of Hellboy is anything to go by) — deliriously steampunkified with a purple glowing vacuum tube and a mummified cat’s paw.
According to its eBay description, Alex CF’s Necropathic Spetregraph has allowed amateur mediums the ability “to carry out complex interaction with the deceased, by influencing and stimulating electro magnetic current.” A globe filled with radioactive ether, charged with electricity, allows to medium to communicate with the dead through the device of a Ouija board, which is sort of the Speak-and-Spell of Erubus.
Like all of Alex’s creations, this one’s currently up for grabs on eBay at a price of£276.00. One of these days, when Google Ad Riches come my way from the Fishy Vagina Odor Advertising Fortune, I’m going to have to invest in one.
In sheer defiance of the World Wide Web Consortium's will, Ectomo was designed using a non-web-standard font. Luckily, it is included in the excellent font pack released by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, which can be freely downloaded in Mac and PC formats here. Ectomo should still look fine without it, though.
