Before the epic meme of doing crazed things with Garfield strips put Fatal Farm in the upper echelons of internet stardom they had previously worked on a number of reworkings of classic televison intros; none of which were nearly as disturbing as their reworking of DuckTales in which Webbigail “Webby” Vanderquack meets a hottie on myspace. Unfortunately said hottie is, in reality, a Beagle Boy cruising for underage ducks to exploit for child pornography. A harrowing tale with a twist that will stay with you long after the clip has ended; most likely a queasy, empty feeling from having watched your beautiful childhood memories perverted and degraded. On a web-cam. In a basement dungeon.
A clip from the 1930 film The Dogway Melody which was a twenty minute spoof of The Broadway Melody in which all the parts were played by dogs. In this scene an ebony, four-legged gentleman bestows a few glittering rocks on young Queenie. However, when she refuses to put out he’s left with only one choice: groping of the non-consensual variety. Lucky for Queenie though, there is a telepathic drunk in the next room ready to dash to her rescue.
Are you a seal? Are you young, inexperienced and confused? Are you a lake of roiling sexual frustration, mingled with feelings of inadequacy and rage? If so, you may want to seriously consider attempting to rape a king penguin!
At least that’s what scientists seemed to have witnessed on a beach on the sub-Antarctic Marion Island when a fur seal pinned down a king penguin:
“At first glimpse, we thought the seal was killing the penguin,” says Nico de Bruyn, of the Mammal Research Institute at the University of Pretoria, South Africa.
It became clear, however, that the aforementioned seal’s intentions were less than savory:
The 100kg seal first subdued the 15kg penguin by lying on it.
The penguin flapped its flippers and attempted to stand and escape - but to no avail.
The seal then alternated between resting on the penguin, and thrusting its pelvis, trying to insert itself, unsuccessfully.
After 45 minutes the seal gave up, swam into the water and then completely ignored the bird it had just assaulted, the scientists report.
Scientists theorized that the seal, being too young to win the attention of a female, turned his eye on the next available animal. They believe it was a one-off occurrence, as no other instances of this nature have been reported. The penguin seems to have survived the experience unharmed, at least physically. No doubt it will be left with some pretty hefty emotional baggage.
Babel Fish insists that the tag-line screams “With this in God hand!” while the description — somewhat unsurprisingly — references echoing and mechanical impact. What is known for sure is that this terrifying device is a vibrator meant to be strapped onto one’s hand, or penis as is shown on the product page, and then in theory, used to pleasure another human being. I’m really not sure who is shelling out the money for this or who in their right mind would let someone wielding one of these things anywhere near their genitals; either way it does little to assuage the fear that the device instills in me. Nothing about it says “consensual”, that much is certain.
After careful consideration Randy decided that his master could afford to purchase a new ball and that this particular game of fetch was over.
Thanks to everyone who pinged Ectomo on Valentine’s Day, it made Eliza’s puckered tear ducts moist with joy (or rage, I can never tell)!
The severing of a number of undersea communications cables have elicited claims of sabotage. Edward points to one of the more plausible theories.
The beautiful story of a young woman and the intimate relationship she shares with her speakers. Thanks, Tristion!
What happens when someone with a high speed camera takes video of insects being pelted with various liquids and miniature pies? Mable invites you to find out.
I do not know what is going on in this video but it is NSFW. Looks of disgust should be aimed at ithidet.
Update: The ever lovely and erudite Suzanne points out that the above image is by two Swiss collagists, Plonk & Replonk, and is part of a set of postcards which can be seen here.
At first glance these may just seem like wacky, but unsettling, commercials for potato chips featuring a small boy and a creepy anthropomorphic dog….thing. It’s only after watching it a few times that one gets the impression that this is a recurring, if not daily, situation and that, perhaps, Mr. Dog has informed his young friend to never tell his parents about it because they would be very mad. Indeed, it appears that Mr. Dog and his young friend have a secret. At least there are potato chips though because, as Mr. Dog seems to know all too well, kids will do anything for potato chips.
It’s Friday which, as The New Scum have learned, is “Candy Time” here at Ectomo, that horrible time when Papa Brownlee puts on his Magical Candy Codpiece and….actually, you know what? I don’t want to talk about this anymore…just…just leave me alone.
As the constant bombardment of ads for the sure to be execrable Will “The Fresh Prince For Life” Smith vehicle I Am Legend, a film that Hollywood producers sadistically refuse to make correctly, continue to drive me into a deep morass of depression and malaise it is comforting to know that the Japanese are ready, willing, and able to step up and fill the artistic void.
In this case it’s The Machine Girl, a film whose purpose isn’t so much to fill said void but, rather, to fist it with a chain gun. The plot is simple: a girl is raped, her family slaughtered and, in order to facilitate her violent, bloody vengeance, she outfits herself with a death vomiting machine gun-arm which she uses to dissever those responsible in a hail of righteous gunfire. Featuring yakuza, ninjas, yakuza ninjas, and drill bras The Machine Girl looks to be a tour de force of impenetrable, kinetic, Far East nonsense genius.
May be unsafe for the workplace. I’m not positive, mind you, but maybe.
If you choose to play Call of Duty 3 be warned, dogs will rape you, which may or may not be preferable to playing Call of Duty 3, a game that instilled in me a powerful desire to use the Wii remote in a geeky homage to Oedipus Rex. What really makes this clip is the fact that the person filming the horrific act shows no intention of helping the child. It seems an unspoken rule in this particular household that if you’re going bend over in front of the dog, you better be prepared for rape.
Teeth, a film realization of the mythic vagina dentata, features Dawn, a teenager who discovers her unusual biology during a violent attack, arguably the best way to discover your genitals are in fact an insatiable gnashing maw. Now, while keen on horror films, the trailer for Teeth, even with it’s horrifying, Ectomo approved subject matter, doesn’t look like the horror sleeper hit I’ve always dreamt of. However, my love of toothy gashes, horror films, and superhero coming-of-age tales will surely lead to at least one viewing. Hit the jump to view the trailer for Teeth. Continue Reading…
Welcome to the Ectomo’s tenth compendium of two dimensional flimflam, computer generated balderdash, and stop-motion ballyhoo. A new name has not been handed down from upon high, where my masters dwell, so I’ve decided to go with what appears to be complete and utter nonsense, but which I assure you contains deep meanings. Can you find all twelve?
But that’s enough idle chit-chat and and semantic tomfoolery! To the ‘toons!
•The strange tale of The Maxxcontinues and the story begins down the dark, psychological road that would make it so unique. “You killed my hostage. You - killed my hostage. YOU KILLED MY HOSTAGE!…Never do that again.”
•”Crumbs, chief!” It’s Danger Mouse, a favorite of mine when I was but a small child. Today’s episode is titled “Tampering With Time Tickles” and, once again, Danger Mouse must thwart the nefarious Baron Greenback in his attempts to rule the world.
•Lucy, The Daughter of The Devil is turning out to be one of my favorite new shows on [adult swim], unsurprising considering that most of the Home Movies crew is responsible for it. “According to our studies, if the people of the world masturbate just eight percent more, civilization will collapse.” That’s why the Devil runs a dildo factory.
•Another episode of the underrated Big Guy and Rusty, The Boy Robot. Rusty upgrades his body in order to be more grown up. It’s not as dirty as that made it sound.
•Here at Ectomo, we’re big fans of Max Fleischer and his various and sundry creations. With that in mind, I present two of his most famous creations: Popeye, The Sailor Man in the fantastic episode “Goonland”, which finds Popeye on the hunt for the father that abandoned him, and Felix, The Cat in “Woos Whoopee” in which a drunken Felix makes the slow, hallucinatory walk home to his angry wife.
•The Boondocks, “The Story of Thugnificent”. Aaron McGruder is a genius. I said it; I’m not taking it back. Hip-hop phenom Thugnificent moves to the suburbs which doesn’t sit well with Granddad. “Did you just…congratulate me for reading?” “All the kids is welcome, muthafucka!”
•Lastly we have Mark Osborne’s More to remind you of your daily drudgery, lest you forget the true meaning of Saturdays. Enjoy!
In sheer defiance of the World Wide Web Consortium's will, Ectomo was designed using a non-web-standard font. Luckily, it is included in the excellent font pack released by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, which can be freely downloaded in Mac and PC formats here. Ectomo should still look fine without it, though.
