A wet leaf becomes a field of bubbles under the gaze of Sophie’s camera lens. Part of Wired’s list of macro photography; porn for the reversing ring set.

Top 10 Wired Reader Macro Photos [Wired] : Dark Roasted Blend

The feature film knockoff is arguably the most celebrated pornographic genre, not so much for the films themselves but their inventive titles. That statement is, however, a bit misleading considering that most of these titles are, in fact, fake. Still, it is perhaps far more palatable for many to imagine films like Schindler’s Fist or How Stella Got Her tubes Packed than to acknowledge the vast cornucopia of filth that can be found through even the most innocuous of unfiltered Google searches.

Regardless, knockoff porno has, of course, been made; but few have produced the atrocity that is 1973’s Bat Pussy. After the introduction from a sharp dressed man — who may or may not have been the inspiration for John Travolta as he prepared for the roll of Vincent Vega — who informs us that, should we not wish to view a porno we probably should have paid more attention to the neon signs when we entered the theater, the movie proper begins. We are informed that in a secret underground warehouse, Adora Dildo, a.k.a. Bat Pussy is waiting patiently for her “twat to twitch”, which it seems is a sign that a crime is going to be committed, like a vaginal Spider-sense.

This apparently occurs, for Bat Pussy emerges, now costumed, from an outhouse, leaps onto a red rubber ball and proceeds to bounce across a rural landscape in what must be the most inefficient mode of transportation one could employ, short of getting from place to place by doing “The Worm”. Aware of this shortcoming, our white trash heroine makes a bee-line for the scene, stopping only to foil the plans of a lecherous, portly man who attempts to accost a young woman and to urinate, which she probably should have done back at the outhouse before she left.

Eventually she arrives and here, thankfully, this edit ends as what follows would have been unpleasant. It seems that the crime was, in fact, the filming of a porno:

Picture a beehived redhead Trailer Trash chick in her 40’s from Tennessee doing some MAJOR shit-talking to an impotent hillbilly while rolling around naked on a bed trying to copulate.

No. No I think I shan’t. I’ve seen more than enough and, really, some things are better left unseen.

BAT PUSSY! Worst porn ever made! (SFW edit) [YouTube] : Hugo Strikes Back! : Dis and Pandemonium

In his new book, Excavating Kafka, author James Hawes publishes a sampling of the late author’s secret collection of mail order pornography, copies of which Hawes stumbled upon while performing unrelated research in the British Library in London and the Bodleian in Oxford leading one to the conclusion that someone knew about Kafka’s erotic peccadilloes. Why then are they only coming to light now? Well, it could be that they are filthy:

Even today, the pornography would be “on the top shelf”, Dr Hawes said, noting that his American publisher did not want him to publish it at first. “These are not naughty postcards from the beach. They are undoubtedly porn, pure and simple. Some of it is quite dark, with animals committing fellatio and girl-on-girl action… It’s quite unpleasant.”

So there it is. It seems that Kafka scholars, unable to bear the idea of the mind behind The Trial and The Metamorphosis being titillated by the forbidden fruit of bestiality, have done their best to ignore it.

I think I speak for all of Ectomo when I say that this is a fantastic discovery. Mr. Hawes and I may have differing opinions on the photographic depiction of erotic lesbian encounters — which I would maintain is one of Nature’s great wonders and should be recorded at every opportunity, particularly if both parties are in heels — but I share his excitement over this discovery. I for one look forward to describing pornography featuring barnyard animals as being “Kafkaesque”.

Update: Sven KaoZ maintains, in the comments, that this is a stunt by Hawes to sell his book and that the magazines in question were published by Kafka collaborator, Franz Blei. The Wikipedia entry for Blei makes mention of this as well.

Franz Kafka’s porn brought out of the closet [Times Online] : boing boing

Perhaps a realization of George Putnam’s apocryphal fear-mongering, Farm Sluts is a short film by director Collin Friesen and starring Cgris Parnell. Made for Fox Searchlight’s Searchlab project, it chronicles the meteoric downfall of a gentleman who unwisely opens some pornographic spam. One guess as to what’s inside.

NSFW: animal junk.

SEARCHLAB / shorts: Farm Sluts [Fox Searchlight] : Laughing Squid

Welcome to Ectomo’s 33rd Mostly-Weekly Saturday Morning Cartoons Show. Today we present to you a smorgasbord of delectable animated dishes; a smattering of drama, horror, humor, and vintage erotica served up steaming hot for your enjoyment. So sit back, relax, and prepare to have you senses assaulted with ‘toonage!.

• Don Hertzfeldt. welcomes you to the show!

• Transformers: “”More Than Meets the Eye Parts 1-3″. Over an hour of thinly veiled toy commercials masquerading as a children’s cartoon. Learn how the Autobots and the Decepticons came to Earth and which plastic and die-cast metal action figure to beg for! Seriously though, while the cartoon doesn’t hold up particularly well and while it is just a glorified toy commercial, I still can’t shake my love for Transformers.

• Comedian Louis C.K. uses animation to explore some of his father issues.

• Eveready Harton in Buried Treasure: A piece of animation history; the first pornographic cartoon. Rumor is that it was made for a private party in honor of the great Windsor McKay and that such visionaries as Max Fleischer and the Mutt and Jeff studio were involved.

• The Real Ghostbusters: “The Boogieman Cometh”. One of my favorite episodes of this show, the design for the Boogieman is just brilliant, his oversized head, replete with glass-shard like teeth, and cloven hooves makes for a great image.

• Intermission, by Don Hertzfeldt.

• Welcome To Eltingville: “Bring me the Head of Boba Fett”. The first and only episode of this cartoon based on Evan Dorkin’s Eisner-Award-winning “Eltingville Comic-Book, Science-Fiction, Fantasy, Horror, and Role-Playing Club” published in the pages of Dork. Featuring four gentleman — Bill Dickey, Josh Levy, Pete DiNunzio, and Jerry Stokes — who are friends of a fashion, but geeks to the fullest. In this episode a battle erupts over the ownership of a Boba Fett figurine and hilarity thus ensues. Cameo by MC Chris, which I’m pretty sure was a prerequisite for [adult swim] cartoons for a while.

• Paranoia Agent: “The Holy Warrior”. Detectives Ikari and Maniwa interrogate Lil’ Slugger who confuses his realities and believes that the world around him is a medieval-style RPG while his quest is to defeat the evil Gouma who possesses other people to fight. Ikari and Maniwa follows Lil’ Slugger through his “journey” and see that it does coincide with all of the attacks — all except for Tsukiko Sagi. However, Lil’ Slugger points the detectives to where the old lady is who may posses the truth.

• The end of the show, by Don Hertzfeldt.

Saturday Morning Cartoons XXXIII: Action Figures And Porn Edition [YouTube]

Channel 4’s look into one of modern western culture’s more enduring urban legends, the snuff film. An interesting look a the history of the idea and people’s obsession with it. Only one downside: the presence of Eli Roth.

NSFW

Does Snuff Exist [Google Video] : The Reverse Cowgirl

I enjoyed Chuck Palahniuk’s first four novels immensely, especially Survivor which remains his high point thus far. However, his books since Choke have been, shall we say, awful. His last novel was so bad that I didn’t even bother to finish it even though I was past the one hundred page mark which is the point of no return for me, after which I force myself to finish the book no matter how painful it may be.

All of that said, I am cautiously optimistic — or impossibly dense, take your pick — about his next novel, entitled Snuff, about an aging porn actress named Cassie Wright, who is attempting to break the record for the world’s largest gangbang but winds up dying in the process (didn’t see that one coming did you, what with the book’s title and all). This is regardless of the fact that the review from Publisher’s Weekly, which is on the Amazon product page, unenthusiastically proclaims:

There are sharp moments when Palahniuk compassionately and candidly examines the flesh-on-film industry, but mostly this reads like a cross between the Spice Channel and Days of Our Lives.

Doubleday is betting that you won’t care or don’t read Publisher’s Weekly or Amazon before you reflexively hit the Pre-Order button and to help advertise it have given Cassie Wright her own myspace page, complete with this kitschy trailer for one of her films, The Wizard of Ass with the promise of two more coming soon. No doubt I will be picking it up, if only for the probability of repetitive, descriptive lists of sexual acts and porn etiquette.

No nudity but still may be unsafe for your workplace. Time to get a job that allows you to view Ectomo without fear of reprisal!

The Wizard of Ass - Dorothy is Not a Virgin Anymore [YouTube] : Myspace : The Reverse Cowgirl

Before the epic meme of doing crazed things with Garfield strips put Fatal Farm in the upper echelons of internet stardom they had previously worked on a number of reworkings of classic televison intros; none of which were nearly as disturbing as their reworking of DuckTales in which Webbigail “Webby” Vanderquack meets a hottie on myspace. Unfortunately said hottie is, in reality, a Beagle Boy cruising for underage ducks to exploit for child pornography. A harrowing tale with a twist that will stay with you long after the clip has ended; most likely a queasy, empty feeling from having watched your beautiful childhood memories perverted and degraded. On a web-cam. In a basement dungeon.

May be NSFW.

(Alternate) DuckTales TV Intro [YouTube] : Fatal Farm

Porn Posters from the 1960s [Vintage Ads] : Hugo Strikes Back!

I still remember coming downstairs for school in the morning as a boy, hungry for Apple Jacks, and to discover that my parents had slopped a ladleful of Cream of Wheat into my breakfast bowl instead. “Great,” I’d say, choking back my prolapsing gastric tract and fixing my parents with a hateful glare. “Semen.” And that’s when the beatings would start.

Apparently, I’m not the only person who has equated the texture of Cream of Wheat with lumpy, grainy ejaculate over the years. In fact, apparently, there was a fetish for Cream of Wheat going as far back as the early 80’s, as used-up, bouffant-ed porn stars eagerly fellated prancing coke heads dressed in cardboard Cream of Wheat boxes.

This is work safe: it was also my worst nightmare when I was ten. Stay until the end, for the violent jactitations of a man dressed only in a pair of sunglasses and a foam-rubber costume resembling a piece of toast. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

Mr. Cream of Wheat [YouTube] : POETV

At any moment your computer, the very same computer you are using at this very moment to read this very post, could maliciously and without concern for your well-being, serve up a hot dish of steaming, filthy, malignant pornography. Will you be prepared to do what needs to be done? Will you have the strong moral fiber and grim determination to return said hot dish with a side order of cold, violent tech death? Steel yourself, friends, and make yourselves ready, for porn strikes when you least expect it.

What will you do the next time porn strikes? [GodTube]

Every day, high up in the Swiss Alps, Hans Stauffacher Loeffelsperger wakes, gets dressed, leaves his house, and walks out to the barn. The herd is skittish, as they usually are when he first opens the barn doors, their wide eyes trying to adjust to the first few rays of sunlight peeking over the horizon, and they huddle closer together on their pillows. They wait breathlessly as Hans walks over to the machine and begins prepping it. After a few moments, satisfied that everything is up to snuff, he turns, walks over to the herd, and begins to methodically remove their bikini tops.

Continue Reading…

And rape.

Popeye Tijuana Bible (NSFW) [RetroRaunch]

The Literary Review’s annual Bad Sex in Fiction Awards took place earlier today and this year’s winner was the recently departed Norman Mailer. The awards were started fourteen years ago with the stated aim of “gently dissuading authors and publishers from including unconvincing, perfunctory, embarrassing or redundant passages of a sexual nature in otherwise sound literary novels.”

The award-winning passage, from one of Mailer’s last novels, The Castle in the Forest, describes the fictional, incestuous lovemaking between Hitler’s parents at the moment of his conception and features this gem of a sentence: “Uncle was now as soft as a coil of excrement.” Natch. But while Mailer was a titan of letters, and poking fun at Hitler a noble task deserving of such talent, I can’t help but be a bit disappointed that my pick didn’t win.

My vote was for Gary Shteyngart’s Absurdistan. Surprisingly, Gary Shteyngart is not Brownlee’s nom de guerre nor is this his memoirs, although one would be forgiven for the mistake when reading passages such as this, which I present here in it’s entirety after the jump. It is lengthy but, most assuredly, worth it:
Continue Reading…