“This video, while absolutely terrifying from a psychological perspective, is essential for your forthcoming Moustache Monday.”
As this post illustrates, we are in complete agreement with Mr. Gilmore, however, it was only upon careful scrutiny of this clip from Spanish television show Esta noche… Fiesta, that I was struck with an epiphany. Watching those moustachioed dancers — male and female alike, moustachioed — writhe in unison, clad in bold yellow and black attire I realized that I was witnessing a message sent from the past, a portent of things to come. In a moment I understood that I was watching not just a television clip but one of the glorious dance numbers from Ectoplasmosis!: The Musical.
In spite of what you may have heard, our beloved mascot wasn’t the result of a stroke of genius (or just a stroke depending on your opinions on the matter) leaping full born from the hideous brains of our inimitable editors-in-chief.
Oh no, there were countless inhumane experiments in cutting edge Octopus/Insect combination technology. While the aforementioned editor’s gruesome experimentation resulted in flabbergasting advances in the field, it also resulted in a trail of adorable abominations such as the above.
While I sure do love the little Beetlepus “gifted” to me by John and Eliza (and would never begrudge him the space in my bathroom); who ever heard of an octopus that’s afraid of water?
Few things cool the white hot passions of unfulfilled lust more than the awkward search through a sock drawer for a dusty box of rubbers. For this Ectomo has no solution, but shouldn’t you be spreading the gospel of Octobee rather than engaging in filthy fluid exchange anyway?
However we are not without understanding, realizing that even the followers of Octobee need occasionally distract themselves with the myriad pleasures of original sin. While we may offer no salvation from your awkward fumblings we do offer an alternative. Why not simply scare the ever-living shit out of the object of your amorous intent with a handgun shaped rubber dispensary? They’ll either be absolutely terrified (which is likely to be more amusing than a bit of sweaty grunting in pairs anyway) or they’ll be inflamed with a passion born of the immediate threat of violence, and you’ll have me to thank for your newfound comrade in coital deviancy.
We’re a long time coming with the announcement of the winners of our first OctoB-Side Coloring Contest. There’s good reasons for that, of course: on my part, I point to a conspicuous doner kebab and the subsequent spool of intestines slithering beneath my chair, gaseously spurting any time I eat. Eliza, on the other hand, has been boot stomping in the streets in a crusade against Xenu; Qais has been trying to grow a luxurious moustache and, failing that, been gluing dreadlocks of pubic hair to his upper lip; and finally, Ross has been indulging in a talmudic orgy of baby eating for which his people are known.
But those are all tertiary excuses. The real reason judging took so long is because each and every entry we received was an utterly perfect work of art, a unique snowflake made up of chromatic suckers and writhing limbs. You all deserve Cthulhus. Unfortunately, we must pick three, if only to save on shipping.
In sheer defiance of the World Wide Web Consortium's will, Ectomo was designed using a non-web-standard font. Luckily, it is included in the excellent font pack released by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, which can be freely downloaded in Mac and PC formats here. Ectomo should still look fine without it, though.
