Keeping with the fine Japanese, cinematic tradition of unconstrained insanity and over-the-top violence, comes Tokyo Gore Police by the same people who brought the world Machine Girl. The “plot” of Tokyo Gore Police is as follows: in the future, Tokyo is in the grip of a plague which allows infected individuals to turn their wounds into weapons. These individuals are called Engineers and in order to keep them under control a private, heavily armed police force — whose members are imaginatively named “Engineer Hunters” — is created.
All of this takes place in a world where the denizens of Tokyo are so tumid with fluids that one would expect to hear it sloshing in their bulbous, distended limbs as they waddled about. The aforementioned ability to use one’s wounds as weapons also leads to some inventive situations, such as a gentleman using his severed penis as a cannon, a woman who sprays acid from her chest after being separated from her breasts, and a woman whose torso terminates in a toothsome toothy, alligator vulva. The level of gore in this trailer reaches such a hysterical pitch that at times it appears that the filmmakers have stooped to just throwing rubber organs in the air and spraying fake blood on the camera lens. In one scene I cannot even be sure if what is being depicted is a truck driving through a pile of mannequin parts or if said parts are supposed to be human bodies.
Needless to say this clip is NSFW and brilliant in a way only something so completely ridiculous can be.
Yesterday, on Cthulhu Cthursday Eve, Ryan over at Ninja Dolls unleashed a furious flurry of stuffed, ninja goodness upon Etsy. There, nestled amongst the likes of Infected Pink Ninja and Yellow Sad Ninja lies the greatest of all ninjas. Bedecked in his azure costume, woven from the most demulcent of fabrics, Cthulhu darts silently through the narrow streets and atop the ominous roofs of R’lyeh, dispensing brutal, ninjutsu justice.
At 7 inches tall, he is large enough to strike awe and fear into all who witness his majesty and yet small enough to leap about unnoticed should some foul miscreant dare invade your living space; something they shall regret dearly as the stealthy Old One bears down upon them, their minds barely comprehending this denizen of the deep from beyond time and space before it neatly dissevers their head from their torso, their consciousness obliterated amidst a crimson geyser. Make sure to check out his site as well for upcoming ninjas *cough*moustache*cough*.
This clip has all the trademarks of a sequence that, even if it were to be viewed in its proper context, would still make absolutely no sense. Inexplicable bikini-clad girl dancing by the side of the road? Check. Ninja, complete with katana and badly animated leaping effects? Check. Person in a bear suit with a shotgun? Check.
Instructables has a step-by-step to crochet your very own Cthulhu! A few people tipped us on this one, but Bibi was first.
Bela sends us some fantastic artwork from the talented Sayaka; comprised of an Ectomo favorite, namely: lithe, Japanese nymphets. Also, tentacles.
Asa Gilmore calls out attention to a list of abandoned wonders in Russia, saying “Scroll to the end of the article. If that strange contraption doesn’t scream ‘Steampunk’ to you, I shall eat my hat and say ‘balderdash.’”
Benton Barnett submitted this badass gas mask t-shirt which will now have to be added to my wardrobe. They can be purchase here.
Dr. Hypercube warns us, via ectotweet, to beware the cephalopod loo.
Based on a Taiwanese television show, Ninja The Final Duel consists of ninety minutes of utter nonsense, introduced by the voice of a WWII era newsreel reading such gems as: “Ninja light skill leaps and bounds. Acrobatics designed to bring a deathly swiftness.” and “Ninja rock climbing formation lightning streaks. Nothing stands in their way.” Featuring a woman who performs nude kung-fu, a rhyming, jive talking, African-American gentleman called “The Black Monk”, and, last but not least, the Water Spider Assault Team, which consists of ninjas on spider shaped paddle boats that occasionally leap into the air. The movie cheese factor was later increased by comedian Rudy Ray Moore, of Dolemite fame, re-dubbed the movie and released the result as Shaolin Dolemite.
As the constant bombardment of ads for the sure to be execrable Will “The Fresh Prince For Life” Smith vehicle I Am Legend, a film that Hollywood producers sadistically refuse to make correctly, continue to drive me into a deep morass of depression and malaise it is comforting to know that the Japanese are ready, willing, and able to step up and fill the artistic void.
In this case it’s The Machine Girl, a film whose purpose isn’t so much to fill said void but, rather, to fist it with a chain gun. The plot is simple: a girl is raped, her family slaughtered and, in order to facilitate her violent, bloody vengeance, she outfits herself with a death vomiting machine gun-arm which she uses to dissever those responsible in a hail of righteous gunfire. Featuring yakuza, ninjas, yakuza ninjas, and drill bras The Machine Girl looks to be a tour de force of impenetrable, kinetic, Far East nonsense genius.
May be unsafe for the workplace. I’m not positive, mind you, but maybe.
In sheer defiance of the World Wide Web Consortium's will, Ectomo was designed using a non-web-standard font. Luckily, it is included in the excellent font pack released by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, which can be freely downloaded in Mac and PC formats here. Ectomo should still look fine without it, though.
