“She’s tough. She’s dangerous. She’s all woman. She’s Leroy’s mama; and as long as she’s alive the Surf Nazis Must Die!”
The trailer for this 80s-era Troma production doesn’t really explain who Leroy is but his mama is on a mission; a mission to take down members of the Surf Nazis whose leaders have historical, Nazi names like Adolf, Mengele, and Hook. I would be lying if I said that the most realistic post-apocalyptic scenario was one in which Nazis took over California’s beaches and waged war on gangs of Asian stereotypes and blond-haired preppies in DayGlo Jams, however, this trailer seems to paint a fairly believable picture of just such a future. I can’t help but feel that I should prepare in some way, perhaps by attaching blades to the edges of my long-board.
Teeth is being released in the UK on June 20th and in preparation it is being advertised with the use of, among other things, a website explaining the condition known as vagina dentata, complete with a short educational film about the malady that affects one in twelve million women worldwide.
A clip from the 1930 film The Dogway Melody which was a twenty minute spoof of The Broadway Melody in which all the parts were played by dogs. In this scene an ebony, four-legged gentleman bestows a few glittering rocks on young Queenie. However, when she refuses to put out he’s left with only one choice: groping of the non-consensual variety. Lucky for Queenie though, there is a telepathic drunk in the next room ready to dash to her rescue.
“The Korova milkbar sold milk-plus, milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultraviolence.”
Cast A Deadly Spell is the best Lovecraftian film adaptation to date, anyone that argues that point with you either hasn’t seen it or is an imbecile unworthy of your time. The film centers around Phillip J. Lovecraft, a detective in a 1940’s Hollywood where magic and monsters are not only real, but common. Everyone, from housewives to CEO’s use magic, everyone except Phillip J. Lovecraft that is. It is my dubious honor to present you with the film, a favorite of mine for years, in its entirety, for today’s Cthursday thanks to the piratical inclinations of some benevolent soul. Don’t say we never gave you anything.
As you know yesterday was Brownlee’s birthday which meant that today I had to take an extra long shower. It’s no use though, no matter how long I scrub I just can’t get clean. In any event here is a nice little animated sandwich of spoof-tastic Fox Kids and Kids’ WB cartoons between two, moist slices of anime. I hope they will entertain you, our loyal readership, and I pray that, perhaps, they will help me to repress the events of last evening. Please, God…
• FLCL: We’ve entered the final half of this spectacular mini-series, and only two more to go. Will you just look at those eyebrows.
•Eek! The Cat and The Terrible Thunderlizards: Eek! did a number of film spoofs during its run and the two that stand out, to me, are “Lord of the Fleas” in which Eek is trapped in a shopping mall with some penguins — one of whom hysterically exclaims “Shut-up, Piggy!” — and this episode entitled “Eekpocalypse Now!, which thoroughly hits upon every major joke one could make about Coppola’s film. This one is for the adults, unless you were an eight year-old who loved movies about Vietnam. The Terrible Thunderlizards was its own show but was later merged with Eek! to create a variety show more like our next two entries.
•Tiny Toons: “A Quack in the Quarks” is the second episode of this seminal show and features a loose parody of Star Wars and a plethora of fourth wall shattering humor. In this episode Plucky Duck is kidnapped by aliens to Planet X to save it from the nefarious plot of Duck Vader. This was the beginning of a real golden age of Warner Brothers cartoons in the late 80s/early 90s that include Animaniacs, Freakazoid, and the Animaniacs spin-off Pinky and The Brain. Oh, and a Watchmen reference!
•Animaniacs “Super Strong Warner Siblings” is a brilliant send-up of the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers which always marked the end of cartoon time. Animaniacs also did an Apocalypse Now parody which, while excellent, did not follow the plot as closely as Eek!. Next up is one of the many “Good Idea, Bad Idea” clips followed by my favorite, Pinky and The Brain. In this episode, entitled “Battle for the Planet”, Brain once again acknowledges his Orson Welles influence by attempting to fake an alien invasion ala the Mercury Theater’s broadcast of War of the Worlds.
•Paranoia Agent: Someone has some unpleasant secrets…
Back in the early 90’s David Cronenberg adapted Naked Lunch to film, a release that had a profound effect on my development, introducing me not only to the works of Cronenberg but also Burroughs and then further into the strange labyrinth of cinema and beat poetry. Naturally, the film was received with a mixed reaction; an unsurprising turn of events considering the combination of both Cronenberg and Burroughs was likely to stir the hornets nest of fanboyism for the latter. Personally, I found my first (and subsequent) viewing of it similar to the abject horror followed by near post-coital bliss of the insipid Reese’s commercials from the 80’s; two great tastes that did indeed taste great together.
While I could prattle on about my love for Cronenberg, Burroughs, and the combination of the two artist’s work for hours on end I’m also able to admit it’s not going to be to everyone’s tastes. Regardless, if you’re enough of a thick-skulled bint not to wholly appreciate the film in its entirety (it’s ok, we still love you, but you only get half an Octobee for Christmas this year), simply mute your TV; because this movie is pure eye-candy ladies and gents. Hit the jump for more stills from Naked Lunch.
I’m not exactly sure what to think of this trailer, to be honest. My trepidation stems from Singh’s first film, The Cell, a movie whose arresting visuals were wrapped around a vapid plot and horrendous acting. It is a stunning example of the music video as feature film. His newest effort, eight years later, seems to be in much the same vein. The story is that of a young girl who, while recovering after breaking her collarbone, meets a bedridden man who tells her fantastical stories that reflect his deteriorating mental state. He also uses them as a bribe in order to get her to steal pharmaceuticals for him. In all it doesn’t seem as though much has changed. I have no doubt that The Fall will be gorgeous but one wonders if Mr. Singh shouldn’t just set the damned thing to music and be done with it.
“It happens two hunred an’ fifty thousan’ times a yea’. Where is your daughta tonight?”
Fifteen year-old Arlene-Sue is irresistible. She knows that “you have to put out if you’re gonna get back”, and she’s gone “all the way”. She knows that the best way to get a man is by seductively feasting on fried chicken. “She turned brother against brutha” and it was going to catch up with her eventually. After a tryst with a trucker she’s chased down and taught a lesson by an entire gang. Thankfully, we are informed that once we follow fifteen year-old Arlene-Sue as she gets into trouble we’ll also join her as she is educated about pregnancy, ostensibly by a woman who interned under Ilsa during her stint with the SS. The saga of Arlene-Sue is the story of our time. It is not to be missed.
The above is a clip from the “film” Faust: Love of the Damned based on the execrable comic book by artist Tim Vigil and writer David Quinn which featured graphic violence and sex. Also, demons. Occasionally, by which I mean often, these were featured in combination, allowing Mr. Vigil to draw severed penises, severed demon penises, and severed demon penises ejaculating onto a nude woman, or nude women depending on if said severed ejaculation took place during one of the numerous orgy scenes, in which he could render bodies in a vast array of different positions seemingly in order to better display his complete lack of knowledge of human anatomy, meaning that most of the attendees had four hundred extra muscles.
In lieu of padding all of his actors with eight extra abdominal muscles, director Brian Yuzna decided to accentuate the more grotesque side of the series’s sexuality. In this scene Mephistopheles, or “M” as he is known, punishes a treacherous harlot by inducing some sort of powerful, gooey super-orgasm which then inflates her breasts and buttocks until she is rendered a sobbing, quivering mass of lactating T and A with a face. Like I said before, just take my word for it and don’t watch it. Certainly not at work, at least.
A slightly different format this weekend. Oscar nominations have been announced and while the pithy award show is as much an indication of cinematic excellence as one of Eliza’s massive bowel movements, it does draw attention to films that may otherwise have gone unnoticed. With that in mind Ectomo presents the nominations for Best Short Animated Film. Hit the jump for enough embedded video to make your browser weep.
Purported to be a “lost” film by director Peter Rhodes, a friend of the late H.P. Lovecraft, H.P. Lovecraft’s The Other Gods is a short, animated film done in the style of silhouetted paper cut-outs. The film is quite well done and while it is nigh impossible to render the gods of Lovecraft’s tales, considering his maddeningly vague descriptions, the film does an excellent job, using a hypnotic, kaleidoscope effect that gives one, at least, a sense of being unbalanced. The film was featured at the most recent H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival and comes to us from Subterranea Entertainment. It will be available on a future volume of Lurker Films’sThe H.P. Lovecraft Collection
The Blair Godzilla Project is released in theaters today meaning that, hopefully, I will stop being assaulted by viral ads and television commercials. As Nevin reminds us, a big movie release means that Asylum must leap into action with a small budget, direct to DVD release and this is no exception. Behold, the less pretentiously ambiguous Monster!
Arlette has begun the tedious task of sifting through the thousands of photos vomited onto Flickr by the Library of Congress and surfaces with some welding, wartime beauties.
Dr. Zoidberg is not nearly as funny and innocent as first assumed. Thanks, Your Name!
Kevin Nuut and Daniel want you to know that, even though figures based on Mike Mignola and Brian Augustyn’s Victorian-era Batman/Jack the Ripper mash-up Gotham by Gaslight will never be produced, if only to spite you, someone was inspired enough to make some custom Justice League figures to drive the knife in deeper.
The ever excitable Melissa demands that her toilet bowl have a cephalopod decal!
This is not a pizza. It is a heart attack disguised as a pile of greasy, fatty ingredients covering pizza dough. Thanks, Evil Jim.
In sheer defiance of the World Wide Web Consortium's will, Ectomo was designed using a non-web-standard font. Luckily, it is included in the excellent font pack released by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, which can be freely downloaded in Mac and PC formats here. Ectomo should still look fine without it, though.
