My opinions on Weezer are, I think, very much soured by people I have known who have been annoyingly, overenthusiastic fans of the band or just plain douchebags. It makes it difficult at times because, while I do enjoy a lot of the band’s catalog, I have found myself cringing while listening to, say, “Say It Ain’t So” when I suddenly remember that one asshole who would always play it on his acoustic guitar at parties, screeching in an ear-piercing manner, in an attempt to woo intoxicated women into his bed.
That said, I will excuse myself from commenting on the song itself — off their upcoming, self titled “Red Album” — and instead focus on the video which features a bevy of internet memes from “Peanut butter jelly time!” all the way up to writing the lyrics of “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” on your body and Chris Crocker. It’s a Who’s Who/Spot the Meme exercise in internet history. How many can you find?
Before the epic meme of doing crazed things with Garfield strips put Fatal Farm in the upper echelons of internet stardom they had previously worked on a number of reworkings of classic televison intros; none of which were nearly as disturbing as their reworking of DuckTales in which Webbigail “Webby” Vanderquack meets a hottie on myspace. Unfortunately said hottie is, in reality, a Beagle Boy cruising for underage ducks to exploit for child pornography. A harrowing tale with a twist that will stay with you long after the clip has ended; most likely a queasy, empty feeling from having watched your beautiful childhood memories perverted and degraded. On a web-cam. In a basement dungeon.
Our deepest apologies, dear readers, for having fallen down on the job as of late in regards to one of our most sacred traditions. Needless to say, we are filled with a great sense of shame and assure you it will not happen again. If, in the future, one of us is unable to fulfill their obligations our newly acquired team of Korean animators will leap into action, producing original cartoons for your enjoyment, although in all honesty I personally cannot guarantee this. You see, by “team of Korean animators” I actually mean a Korean family that Eliza met — and subsequently forced into her windowless van — while running errands at Home Depot. They have tried to reason with her, explaining that they are involved in other professions, the father is a salesman for a lighting manufacturer and his wife works as a bank teller. The children are, well, children.
Eliza would hear none of it however, either assuming that they were lying or under the impression that all people of Korean descent have an innate ability to animate. The rest of the staff has done their best to ignore the situation, knowing full well that once Miss Gauger has set her mind on something, one has little chance of ever changing her opinion. It is for this reason that we do nothing when she insists that her aforementioned van has the ability to travel through time or that Qais is, in her words, “a spy sent by space Turks to steal her chocolate secrets.” Regardless it has been uncomfortable, the tired and nervous familial unit has taken up residence in our break room where they were horrified to find only four items : coffee, tea, pipe tobacco, and squid chips. It would be worse when they found out that these items were our sole sources of sustenance. The children, unsurprisingly, did not take well to the tobacco. Perhaps we should send out for food.
Ah well, I’m sure they’ll be fine, besides it’s cartoon time! Click through, loyal Ectomites, and witness their triumphant return!
P.S. Also, remember that if you visit the YouTube page for a particular video you have the option to watch it in high quality. Especially well suited to the anime.
Gather round Ectotots, for I have a tale to spin. You see, in my day we only had one kind of Asteriskpunk; the Cyberpunk. Making do with discarded circuit boards, thrifted leather coats, and a gaggle of goggles, we’d spend hours on painfully slow BBS’ trading questionably witty banter and dreaming of the day our neural interface wet-dreams would become a reality.
However, things, as they are wont to do, have evolved, and the Asteriskpunk fashionistas, in their constant struggle to remain fresh and relevant, are yet again devising new ways in which to pretend you’re from a future that time forgot. Which isn’t to say I haven’t enjoyed the evolution; Cyberpunk is my one true love, Eliza adores Steampunk (romanticizing an era in which “larger” women were popular how could she not), and Brownlee remains the one true Fezpunk.
Sadly, one member of our quartet has always felt left out; previously relegated to 21st century costuming (and hopping mad as only a man with the body of an infant can be) the inimitable Mr. Rosenberg can now join in our frolicking! Oh the fun we shall have, flying pretend airships over pretend post apocalyptic landscapes, battling golems and the Tzaddik along the way; all while Brownlee sits calmly at the helm, a fez resting up on his head at a rakish tilt.
For those who don’t know, the gentleman in the video, Tay Zonday, created quite a stir six months back (or roughly ten thousand Internet years) with his song “Chocolate Rain”, a repetitive and horribly infectious tune which dealt with the issues of racial injustice and rage, societal tensions, and stepping back from the mic to breathe in. Combine this with the mocking adoration of two radio imbeciles and you have a video that has racked up millions of hits.
Enter Dr. Pepper®, a company who has chosen to prove once again that corporations will take any trend, no matter how insipid or fleeting, and use it as fodder for advertising. For their new cola, Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr Pepper, they have produced the YouTube video “Cherry Chocolate Rain” featuring Mr. Zonday doing a “pimped out” sequel to his original hit complete with beats that one might describe as “phat” if one were so inclined, an unknown enthusiast of the rapping arts, Mista Johnson who, according to his site, goes by the alias Felonious Monk in an insult to one of jazz’s greatest composers, and, of course, scantily clad women gesticulating with the enthusiasm, coordination, and talent of someone being cleansed of demons or in the throes of a grande mal seizure. Lest one forget that this video references “the interwebs” a stuffed squirrel, complete with shocked expression, is also featured near the video’s conclusion.
I suppose that in a way, ridiculous as this ad may appear, it is perfectly functional for the purposes it was made to serve. Memes rarely last very long, perhaps just long enough to cover the life of a limited edition beverage. In this regard it seems perfectly suited. However, one has to wonder if that is even long enough, or if companies even have the resources or foresight to take advantage of these trends. Considering the internet community’s ADHD-esque tendencies and the random appearance and instantaneous popularity of videos like “Chocolate Rain” it seems to me that advertisers will be perpetually late to the party.
At first watch of this I thought it had to be faked somehow. There is simply no way a presidential candidate would be stupid enough to employ an internet meme in an attempt to get himself elected, especially one as obnoxious as Chuck Norris. Then I remembered who the current president is, wept bitterly, and thought for the umpteenth time of how I should really leave the U.S.
I can already hear your shrieks of “Old!” and “So last year!” and “Cake!” and that’s ok. In fact, it makes me glad to think that the 300 meme is over because, well let’s face it, it wasn’t that funny to begin with. Moreover, as time goes on, and the more I think about it, the more I feel that the movie itself was shit, wrapped in shit bacon, deep fried in shit, painted gold, and then sodomized in slow motion by a train of syphilitic pederasts in front of a green screen.
That being said, I had to share this clip from [adult swim]’s Robot Chicken entitled 1776 because, well, I think it’s hilarious. The ladies and gentlemen who make South Park would do well to note that Seth Green and Co. have done in a minute what they tried, and failed, to achieve in twenty.
To the insipid pap that was posted by half of the dynamic duo that are the New Scum’s fearless leaders. I’m not sure if you can appreciate just what a slap in the face that post was, dear readers.
Iä! Whilst these other wastrels pursue their abhorrent moustache-fetisch in order to satisfy their sublimated homosexual urges (see Kraft-Ebing’s Psychopathia Sexualis, the famous, if hard to find, Third “Moustache Raiders” Edition, for full details), I bring you nonstop cephalophilia and warnings from my buds, the illustrious Great Old Ones. The loathesome and no doubt fungous, shambling horror known as Michael Martine hath shewn us the inevitable and gruesome miscegeny between LOLCATS and Cthulhu worthsip–I present to thee, shudderingly: LOLTHULHU. Another sure sign that the hour of R’Lyeh’s rise is near. Gentle readers, be sure to take this as an early warning: report post haste to any especially deep caverns so as to render yourselves immune to the deleterious mental radiation that some have dubbed “The LOL of Cthulhu.” Be warned!
Not all of us are blessed in the facial hair department, and while most are content to either simply forgo the pleasure of twiddling their luscious lip locks while tying damsels to train tracks or (foolishly) trying their hand at an invariably vain attempt at moustachery, resulting in an abomination and richly deserved ridicule. The man above doesn’t appear to have a problem in the facial plumage department which forces me to assume that this is simply an homage to what is arguably the best thing to happen to faces since ridiculous mutton chops. An up nod to the proud bearers of the moustache, going further than those gimmicky finger moustache types and choosing to proudly display his tat-stache in as horrifying a way as possible.
This is not Disneyland. This is not a drill. This photo was just dragged, squealing, from the steaming morass of the internet’s underbelly. It supposedly captures the moment when a couple of /b/tard (or possibly goons, or even Encyclopedia Dramatist) protesters were waylaid at Anthrocon ‘07 (going on right now) by their fursuited targets. One sign reads “Pool’s Closed”, the other “Yiff in Hell Furfags”.
Photographer unknown, as is the veracity of the claim that this happened in the last 24 hours. Both datums would be appreciated.
The magical thing about this picture is that I can tell exactly how long you’ve lived on the internet by how much of these elements are funny, familiar, or even groan-inducing to you, before you’ve clicked any of the linked terms.
To me, this scene is an epic battle. Reminiscent both of the Rape of the Sabine Women, and 101 Dalmations.
UPDATE: I checked the EXIF data on the photo and the creation date is listed as 2007:07:05 11:04:02. I’d say this is the real deal. Officially requesting more photos.
In sheer defiance of the World Wide Web Consortium's will, Ectomo was designed using a non-web-standard font. Luckily, it is included in the excellent font pack released by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, which can be freely downloaded in Mac and PC formats here. Ectomo should still look fine without it, though.
