The Great Pumpkin is dead, Charlie Brown. R’lyeh has risen in the pumpkin patch, and The Cthulhukin has come forth to rape your sanity and spit seeds at you at nearly lightspeed! However, I think it favors our mascot, the mystical Octobee, a bit more than Cthulhu—which actually helps it score further Cool Points which can later on be traded in for awesome prizes like an Ectomo Exclusive Pumpkin-Gutting Kit or the fabulous new John Brownlee Junior Fez Playset!

The Cthulhukin [Ruckusarts.com] (Thanks, Asa!)

For Halloween, the only jack-o-lantern worth a damn to the career gamer cephalophile: Purple Tentacle from the LucasArts game Day of the Tentacle wildly brandishing his incredible Shrinking Ray. I just played this game the other day, and it brought me back to more innocent, halcyon days… days when I was fascinated with tentacles not based upon their suitability for being gooily crammed up orifices, but because, when mutated, they try to take over the world.

Day of the Pumpkin [Kotaku]

Take a good look my friends. Stare deep into those soulless eyes, mark well that metallic rictus, and bear witness to the phallic proboscis that will surely prove to be mankind’s undoing. May our end be swift and, I pray, devoid of robotic vaudeville.

Halloween Medley [vintagephoto]

From Ectomo! Please accept one of these one thousand one hundred twenty seven Halloween postcards. Only one.

Vintage Halloween Postcard uploaded by riptheskull [Flikr] : MONSTER BRAINS

Posted on Sunday not through ineffable laziness, but because it’s still Saturday somewhere. Possibly Delaware. Please note that this week we’ve got more than just one embedded playlist, so hit the jump for all the cartoons.

• Our favorite flapper tart with the scrotum-peeling voice, Betty Boop, starts things off by throwing a Halloween Party for the surreal fever dreams popping out of Max Fleischer’s imagination.

• Count Duckula appears to be wildly popular amongst the Ectomo staff, except for me, who’d never heard of him. Needless to say, if you base your cartoon off of the concept of a vampiric anthromorphic duck, he’s eventually going to have to run into Frankenstein…

• I want a scissor puppy of my own. My favorite episode of the wonderful Flash cartoon (and soon to be Nickelodeon series) Making Fiends. If a small, puke-green Bulgarian child has ever been fuckable by sole dint of her voice, that small, puke-green Bulgarian child is Vendetta.

The rest of the videos, after the jump…

Continue Reading…

If you have a problem with a pretty pesky poltergeist or other paranormal partycrasher, fear not! You can get a paranormal restraining order filed against whatever particular monster might be buggin’ you.

Keep them away!

Since the dawn of time, mankind has sought the means of keeping away supernatural and paranormal entities. Now, for only $5 each, receive a printed document that bars them from approaching or contacting you.

For $5, you can file a restraining order against zombies (always a problem in the Pittsburgh area), Satan, Aliens, God, or even—gasp!—that most monstrous of all monsters: David Letterman.

Unfortunately, they do not offer restraint orders for Cthulhu. You try serving papers to a Great Old One….Write back and tell me how it feels to be devoured down to the quark level.

Paranormal Restraining Orders [Paranormal Restraining Orders] (Thanks, xaoswolf!)

It may be, perhaps, asking too much that this impressive behemoth be draped round a pumpkin Nautilus, but I ask nevertheless.

Giant Squid Pumpkin [Extreme Pumpkins] : Dark Roasted Blend

Gather ’round the Samhain fires, boys and girls, and shiver as you read one of the spoooOOOOOoookiest literary mashups I’ve ever read: “The Great Old Pumpkin,” by John Aegard!

As you are no doubt aware, I am the issue of solid Dutch stock—the prosperous Van Pelt family of St. Paul. Mine was a comfortable and happy childhood, and I spent much of it in the devoted service of the Great Old Pumpkin. For him, I cultivated an annual pumpkin patch—mostly Autumn Gold and Big Max, as I thought he would find the Atlantic Giants tacky. I also evangelized him in the community, relating the tale of how, every year on Hallowmas Eve, the day when the spiritual most strongly encroaches on the substantial, this mightiest of gourds would rise to revel across the world with the most sincere of his adorers. My neighbors were understandably skeptical; after all, not once had this superbeing ever chosen to grace my pumpkin patch or any other place in our town. I vowed that I would coax him into my backyard, and I set out in the manner of a learned man to discover how I might do this.

You shall experience, much as I did, a ghastly thrill when you come to the story’s thunderous climax! If you are not left shuddering in terror at the sight of those great orange squashes so common to porch-steps and doorsills at this time of the year, then you are more of a man than I, an advowed and unashamed “pussy,” shall ever be.

Spooooooky monster pumpkin pic by the inimitable Matt Sharp!

The Great Old Pumpkin [Strange Horizons] (Thanks, Ian!)

The Great Pumpkin screwed Charlie Brown over every single year, and that bal’-headed little wanker kept kissing his makebelieve Halloween idol’s round orange heiny every October 31st. Charlie Brown, you’s a sucka - because what have we here? A truly great pumpkin! Well, not so much a pumpkin as a tentacular green gourd molesting a large pumpkin fish, but just take one look at this monster, and if you don’t feel like bowing down to its pulchritude with “Iä!” upon your slavering lips, then you might as well just keep your punk ass safely indoors on Halloween…or else you might feel the terror of smooth, woody, gourd-tentacles wrapping around your throat in the wee hours of the night as you squat in the pumpkin patch awaiting the arise of a false god.

And while I’m on a pumpkin kick: You - yes, you - are hereby assigned to watch PBS’s magnificent documentary on the obsessive growers of championship giant pumpkins, Lords of the Gourd: The Pursuit of Excellent.

Oct-ober-pus [Extremepumpkins.com] (Thanks, Ed Eck!)