Those Alpha-Centauri cluster bastards didn’t know who they were messing with when they absconded with little Jimbles McGüllohanie. You see, Little Jimbles was the latest in a long line of abductees, a paternal legacy of ending up on the business end of an alien probe worn smooth as a riverbed stone by centuries of scientific investigation.

It’s no surprise then that he was hell-bent on being the first man in his family to go his whole life without suffering the indignity of obscene extraterrestrial curiosity; it was his only ambition from the very moment he’d learned his family’s dark secret. The day those space hopping fuckers stole his dream from him (and subsequently his anal virginity) they spelled their own doom. As you can see by his brutal arsenal of alien destruction, Jimbles aims to take his vengeance through the skin.

jmmmmmmmmmmmn [Babyart]

The Guardian, apparently incapable of closing their yaps about the whole Max Gogarty scandal, has made another statement on the incident through their columnist, Rafael Behr.

It’s infuriating reading: Behr directly compares criticism of a banal North London boy’s column on his gap-year vacation to Communist Genocide. Then again, dismissing the mass-murder of millions by comparing it to a nineteen year old boy’s hurt feelings shouldn’t be surprising from the newspaper so clueless that it wrote: “Locked in a time warp since the 1950’s, Cuba is on the verge of change and now is the perfect time to visit before its distinctive character is eroded.” Yeah, that “distinctive character” is 60 years of violent political oppression: don’t miss it!

Anyway, Behr’s piece is worthy of a good Fisking, but I’m not going to bother. I’ve had some fun at Max’s expense here, but it’s just astonishing how the Guardian continues to avoid actually taking any responsibility for what happened, instead casting the entire scandal as an indictment of the ignorance, cowardice and blood-thirstiness of mob rule.

Continue Reading…