Our deepest apologies, dear readers, for having fallen down on the job as of late in regards to one of our most sacred traditions. Needless to say, we are filled with a great sense of shame and assure you it will not happen again. If, in the future, one of us is unable to fulfill their obligations our newly acquired team of Korean animators will leap into action, producing original cartoons for your enjoyment, although in all honesty I personally cannot guarantee this. You see, by “team of Korean animators” I actually mean a Korean family that Eliza met — and subsequently forced into her windowless van — while running errands at Home Depot. They have tried to reason with her, explaining that they are involved in other professions, the father is a salesman for a lighting manufacturer and his wife works as a bank teller. The children are, well, children.
Eliza would hear none of it however, either assuming that they were lying or under the impression that all people of Korean descent have an innate ability to animate. The rest of the staff has done their best to ignore the situation, knowing full well that once Miss Gauger has set her mind on something, one has little chance of ever changing her opinion. It is for this reason that we do nothing when she insists that her aforementioned van has the ability to travel through time or that Qais is, in her words, “a spy sent by space Turks to steal her chocolate secrets.” Regardless it has been uncomfortable, the tired and nervous familial unit has taken up residence in our break room where they were horrified to find only four items : coffee, tea, pipe tobacco, and squid chips. It would be worse when they found out that these items were our sole sources of sustenance. The children, unsurprisingly, did not take well to the tobacco. Perhaps we should send out for food.
Ah well, I’m sure they’ll be fine, besides it’s cartoon time! Click through, loyal Ectomites, and witness their triumphant return!
P.S. Also, remember that if you visit the YouTube page for a particular video you have the option to watch it in high quality. Especially well suited to the anime.
Oh those wacky Belgians! Above is a segment from the British TV show Eurotrash detailing the stupendous feces faeces making machine Cloaca designed by artist Wim Delvoye. Food is put into the machine and is then fed through a series of tubes into various chambers containing biological compounds that mimic the human digestive system, breaking down the meals and finally excreting them. The finished product is nearly identical to actual human waste, which is quite an achievement. Delvoye even offered the artificial shit for purchase, although he seems to have sold out of it for the moment.
This is not his first foray into the scatological. Previously he had a series of prints of women’s anuses using lipstick and tiles with images of his faeces on them. His other work includes tattooing pigs and x-rays of people slathered with barium fucking made into stain-glass windows. The idea for Cloaca comes from the idea that people don’t spend enough time agog at the miracle that is the human digestive system, which I suppose is true; most of my meditation done on the porcelain throne not being focused on the coil of crap I’m expelling from my body, I suppose.
Watching the clip above — ignore the annoying voices of the translators — one must assume that the piece is something of a success. After all, when is the last time you saw people so eager to get so close to poop or run their fingers through it? It seems that by merely removing the human element one renders the entire undertaking acceptably sterile.
Beans, beans, the musical fruit–the more you eat, the more you toot!
The more you toot, the better you feel–so let’s have beans for every meal!
Words for the wise. I have prided myself over the years on my gas-making–and -breaking–skillz…and, no doubt, many Ectomo readers can make such claims. (Brownless claims to be able to fart the “Battle Hymn of the Republic” after devouring a bowl of random fried squid parts, yet, being the n00b, I have yet to confirm this.) How many of us, though, have ever thought of making a career of our abilities?
In the early part of the 20th century, Vaudeville stages in both France and America thrilled to the pooting of the wondrous, the amazing, LE PETOMANE!
Joseph Pujol, a man of singular talent, was born in Marseilles, France in 1857. In his early youth it became clear that he was a natural entertainer, singing, dancing, and performing for his parents’ house guests. He had a love for music, and over the years he became handy with a trombone, but it was a different wind instrument that led to his eventual fame and fortune.
In sheer defiance of the World Wide Web Consortium's will, Ectomo was designed using a non-web-standard font. Luckily, it is included in the excellent font pack released by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, which can be freely downloaded in Mac and PC formats here. Ectomo should still look fine without it, though.
Beans, beans, the musical fruit–the more you eat, the more you toot!
