I’ll spare you all the usual rant on the constant consternation I endure at the hands of conceptual designs. Suffice it to say if wishes were pennies my dreams of realized concepts would have made me a millionaire many times over. But this…this is simply too much for even me to endure.

This concept by Laura Jaeger is the distillation of my affinity for obnoxiously large hoods, superfluous strapping, and modular design. It’s as if Ms. Jaeger had a direct line into my most obscene fashionisto fantasies, and I’d like to take this opportunity to formally apologize for those things I did with Margaret Thatcher. No one should have to witness that.

The model really doesn’t do the piece justice, but below the jump is a more clear cut indication of how the piece is supposed to work; essentially functioning as a messenger bag when not in use as a monstrous hood. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to track down any further information on the Hood Air or Laura Jaeger, so whether this is actually in production or just an incredibly good idea is unknown. If any of know more about this wondrous design please contact me immediately so that I might spread the gospel of obnoxious hoods.

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Much as we enjoy shedding light on the many wondrous works brought forth by today’s designers, be they of the walled interior or clothed exterior variety, the sad fact remains that many of the pieces posted are either conceptual or prohibitively pricey. Unfortunately most of us aren’t sewing machine maistros, and as such the aforementioned delights remain as pieces of a beautifully bedecked dream.

However, thanks to ERNTE Fashion Systems’ upcoming release of their E.S.P. line we dreamers can obtain a bit of our woolgathered wardrobe on the cheap. The official site launches on May 15th but you can peer into their wondercloset for a peek at their pre-release offerings.

Before you is the culmination of all my post-apocalyptic, cyberpunk fashion dreams. Oh sure, my compatriots and I clothe ourselves in all manner of garb designed with futurelust in mind, but not a stitch of those epic high-collared wardrobes is really functional. We’re simply playing dystopian dress-up.

But with this piece by Tim Smit — made of neoprene, lined with kevlar, and seemingly designed with my ilk in mind — we’re really getting into the business of being the no-nonsense, disaffected futuretots we’ve always known ourselves to be.

While it’s not specifically stated that this is just a conceptual design I can’t imagine it’s anything but. Yet simply knowing it exists helps to soothe the hurt of being unable to rush out and buy my first piece of Apocalypse Couture.

Hit the jump for a few more shots of this exquisite design.

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My friend in fashion-fecundus, Jilly, once asserted that deconstructed fashion, by and large, is in a positively woeful state; and to be perfectly honest I am apt to agree. Chopping out the neck of a t-shirt, ironing on a few patches, and sewing ribbon in a few places to effect a gathered look does not an item of deconstructed couture make.

Further, visible stitches in old olive cloth, safety pins, and runs in haphazardly stacked stockings also does not an item of deconstructed couture make. Yet otherwise observant people seem convinced that this is the way these fashions are meant to be executed, applying their incorrect opinions to work that more often than not results in something awful.

Gibbous Fashions is the antithesis to those that can not understand, creating perfect (a word I refuse to use lightly) understated, deconstructed fashions. Do the models all look like hobos? You’re god damn right they do; impeccably dressed hobos with whom I want to while away my days in ivy covered gardens drinking weak tea from chipped sets and looking fabulous in the process.

The photography of her pieces may be a bit dark, making a good gander at the high level of detail that’s gone into each piece difficult, but the items in the shop (yes, there are in fact pieces for sale that don’t cost your first born) speak for themselves. Have a look, and if you have the means snatch up any items that remain. Not to do so lands you squarely in “remiss in Ectomo Fashion Brigade duties” territory, and the penalties for that, dear reader, are high.

My father and I have long maintained a correspondence of epic intellectual proportions. Usually these take the form of discussions on science and science fiction, Rick Gauger being an award-winning science fiction author, and all-around life of the party.

Recently I sent him a link to a collection of cartoons on the fashion wars of the early 1800s, which were as vicious as they were short-lived. Men and women abandoned the stiff, straight-laced wardrobes of the 1700s and briefly adopted a more modern, flowy, comfortable look. This was the famous Regency era, in which Jane Austen lived and wrote. Unfortunately for fashion, it was quickly destroyed by the severe repression of the Victorian age’s corsets, high heels, and silly hats. Dad, armchair fashion historian, elaborates [with my notes appended, thusly]:

Yes, I’ve always thought it odd that women went out of, and back into corsets in the early 19th Century. In our own time, the 60s got over in a hurry, as women went back to makeup and hairdos in the early 70s. In my century [Dad is 64], I think that the corporations panicked as they saw hair styles, makeup and tailored clothing apparently becoming obsolete, and they put on a major propaganda offensive. The majority of people (including women) never understood the 60s anyway, so they were ready to buy into it. We had a last hurrah of big cars, just at the moment when we should’ve been changing our ways.

Another reason for the quick loss of those styles was that a woman really has to be very good-looking [such as my mother, 54, who to this day refuses to learn how to use an eyelash curler, probably because she’s too busy beating men away from her door with a stout stick] to be able to go without makeup and tailoring. There were a couple of girls among the grad students of 1965 that made me froth at the mouth; most others, however smart and sweet they might be, just didn’t have what it took. One of them was the girl who welcomed me back from my first tour in Vietnam. She came out in a nightie that made her look like a joke. I would have rather died than hurt her feelings at that moment.

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When I first stumbled across Skingraft Designs my first impulse was not to share them with the world. No, I intended to file them away in my secret stash of amazing designers so that I might dip into it occasionally and have everyone wondering where I find my marvelous couture. Graciously, I have decided to share with my beloved Ectonubbins, wanting an impeccable wardrobe for you all.

The clothes labored over by Skingraft Designs are simply astounding and possibly some of the best design I’ve seen, which isn’t a compliment I award lightly. Each piece seems to have tumbled through all our favorite fantasies, a cyberpunk touch here, a post-apocalyptic influence there, rendering them all absolutely gorgeous.

Those of you worrying about your pocketbooks need not fret; sadly, Skingraft Designs isn’t selling their larger pieces, although they are selling a bevy of tooled holster style bags perfect for the Asteriskpunk on the go.

I, like many of you I’m sure, long for the day when my riches have amassed to the point that I can clothe myself completely in designs such as these. Until then I comfort myself with the knowledge that somewhere, these all really exist, sighing pointedly as I click my way through a wardrobe I will never have.

Skingraft Designs [Grinding]

Between hover bikes, cerulean locks, chunky sneakers, and a weasel-bat to watch your back the future has never looked so enticing. It’s worth noting that before now I had never seen an article of clothing with flames on it that looked worth wearing.

I suspect that even the future, with it’s myriad promises of ridiculous fashion becoming de rigueur, may not be able to accomplish this mean feat. Be sure to click through to the larger version of this fantastic image.

[Dark Roasted Blend]

mechanical bird pilot #1 [Shoutfit]

It is rare that I find a collaborative website these days that actually impels me to recruit new members, but Shoutfit is immensely cool.

Imagine social networking based entirely on personal fashion.

It’s an ideal excuse to dress up and take photos of yourself, an activity previously limited to professional camgirls, “alternative” models, and the attention-starved. Not only are the outfits stored in an organized fashion, but you can designate areas of the photo to annotate, similar to the Flickr “notes” feature. However, this annotation can, if desired, link back to your “Closet“, where photos of your individual items of clothing, jewelry, and accessories can be stored on their own.

As the coup de grace, there is a Collage feature which allows you to cobble together speculative outfits, something that once had the sartorialists tearing apart their closets and trying on slashes of makeup just to find the right combination.

Features currently missing: “blog this” button, multiple views of a single item or outfit, notifications when people add your outfits to “favorites”, being able to track which outfits by other people that you favorited. But I believe the site is in beta and will continue to be updated.

My account is set to private, fortunately for you. But there are a ton of people worth watching, ranging from steampunks to goths to hipsters to hippies.

Ectomo fashion 101, droogs: now this is a moustache. And that is a hat.

archibald octavius III, adventurer extraordinaire! [theparadigmshifter Flickr] : Who ectotweeted this?