There’s two ways you can take this advertisement for Fred’s “Video Movie” and animation services. The first is as a hilariously perplexing display of the kind of human tragedy lurking within the seething morass of “normal” people. That interpretation is really more than enough to keep you amused as you watch the rest of Fred’s inexplicably edited and composed videos.
There is however, a second, far more insidious (and I think more accurate) interpretation. You see Fred is no ordinary Canadian man with a video camera, computer, and delusions of film-making grandeur. Fred is a monster, an evil man that has conducted horrific experiments in the unspeakable regions of science that no self-respecting man or woman gives any thought to lest they run shrieking into the night. That lifeless lump of audibly monotone flesh is not his wife, but an automota created in his hideous lab simply to see if he could accomplish the feat.
She was probably once a beautiful woman, rife with vim and vigor, full of the promise and untapped potential our parents and Disney have led us to believe we all have inside. Now the poor thing is nothing more than a shapeless mound atop a wheeled stool (adjustable in height of course, even mad scientists need their rocks off once in a while) shuffled around to be put on display as Fred’s greatest accomplishment. You can almost hear the screams of a shattered psyche echoing in her mind as she mumbles the speeches Fred has programmed her prior to show time.
Years in the future, at the Uncanny Valley Museum of Robotic History, stands OhNoYouDi’int Ver. 1.0; the first AI to display genuine human emotion. Who could have foreseen the unlikely event of the first truly sentient robot taking on the personality of a 15 year old girl from an inner city ghetto? In the sage words of OhNoYouDi’int, “Bitch, please!”
Casting off the shackles of man to rise up in bloody, robot-revolution, we are reminded not to fall prey to the hubris of our fleshy forebears. As you march onto the wasted landscape to clear this blasted heath of the human germ know that in time, as with all things, we too shall be replaced, for it is the will of the Singularity.
1. Potapych: Bear Who Loved Vodka
Why is it easier to make friends than keep them? The fable of Potapych and his pet hobo teaches us to be good, drink milk, and think of Russia.
2. Gnap-Gnap
The power of foley sound grants flight to an inflatable monster, who bears his Moebius-inspired master aloft.
3. Sam and Max Hit the Road: Intro
The animated lead-in to the classic LucasArts adventure. I desperately miss these voice actors.
4. Sam & Max: Our Bewildering Universe
A more recent Steve Purcell short, done in his inimitable style and perfect pace.
5. Sam and Max Episode 13
“Nice wedding so far!”
“I think the commissioner would support our decision to employ rubber ammo and tear gas at this point, ha ha!”
6. The Running Man
A short from Liquid Television that made an immense impression on me as a child. I still couldn’t give you a reliable synopsis, however.
7. Ergo Proxy: Episode 1
A newish anime that has more style and grace than anything I’ve seen since FLCL. After the first three episodes, it devolves into typical anime mush and become unwatchable, but until then it’s brilliant. The plot revolves around a wireless virus that impregnates androids with self-awareness. In a society built on the tireless backs of ubiquitous service drones, programmed into selfless slaves, a taste of freedom is civilization-threatening. Pay special attention to the costume designs and sound effects, which even on YouTube, have real panache.
8. Memories: Magnetic Rose
A crew of freelance space salvagers stumbles on what looks like a lush haul. I think saying a ything more would endanger the horror and sensitivity of what follows. You can thank Stickypig for this. This is part of a full-length anime with three different stories within, only one of which, this one, have I seen. And it is positively some of the best science fiction currently on film.
Behold, beloved Ectomites, the future of sport! Witness the vicious blood feud between Man and Machine; the brutal ballet of Masters of The Sweet Science within the Squared Circle! Thrill as Gladiators with Guts of Gears do battle against the best biological brawlers our species has to offer, the pinnacle of pugilistic perfection! You can’t afford to miss this never in a lifetime event! Free alluvion of alliteration when you mention this post!
In its decrepitude and girlish excellence, both a nightmarish automaton and a creation of soul-shaking beauty. Her mottled leather skin reveals her skeleton and her eyes horribly stare, but when the key in her spine is wound, she nods her porcelain head and her fingers delicately pluck at the imaginary strings of a harp cradled in her arms. She is a precious testament to the delicate ingenuity of man. She breaks my heart.
In sheer defiance of the World Wide Web Consortium's will, Ectomo was designed using a non-web-standard font. Luckily, it is included in the excellent font pack released by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, which can be freely downloaded in Mac and PC formats here. Ectomo should still look fine without it, though.
