Beware The Trains

You may think that sending your children out to the train tracks to fetch coal is a good idea; after all, since those absurd child labor laws were enacted they don’t contribute anything to the family. However, you should know that trains — hateful, metal monstrosities that they are — will take every chance to mow them down. Keep in mind though, trains have a fatal flaw in that they have one chance to extinguish your child’s life, meaning that, should their homicidal run fail to kill them, you may be left with a crippled mouth to feed. Just look at young Johnny there. How will he make money now? No one’s going to hire a one legged paper-boy and it goes without saying that no woman is going to want a husband with a missing leg. No, Johnny is coming to the harsh realization that being a pirate is not a realistic goal and his parents are considering moving away and not telling him where they went. It’s something to think about the next time you get it in your head to procure some free coal.

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