Courage Under Fire: College Professors Don’t Cotton To Your Inquisitive Jake
Posted by Qais Fulton
The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that in 2007 64% of high school graduates enrolled in college. For a multitude of reasons I have never been one of their ilk. Yet I’m told that college is a place to broaden one’s horizons; to learn new things and experience things you might not otherwise have experienced in your isolated pre-post-secondary schooling world, a place to question ideals long held as true and expand upon one’s own repertoire of knowledge. A kindergarten for the real world if you will, but with liquor and venereal diseases.
Apparently the hordes of apple-cheeked co-eds fueling this idea are all acting as agents of subversion and deceit; sowing falsehoods throughout society in an attempt to create a society of unquestioning automatons adequately prepared for the endless toil of an office. But only after being bilked out of thousands of dollars.
Thankfully, there are people like Miss Priya Venkatesan working from within the system to undo this previously obfuscated treachery.
You see, Miss Venkatesan, a former English professor at Dartmouth College, was forced from her lofty position by the throngs of collegians programmed at birth to snuff out any idea that did not jibe with their own. These soldiers of conformity had the audacity to question Miss Venkatesan, and adding insult to injury they did so in her own classroom; a place normally reserved for the credulous acceptance of wisdom and knowledge borne out by years of schooling they had yet to endure.
And what subjects could so raise the ire of the supposedly knowledge-seeking gestapo? Just the innocent topics of the “problematization” of technology and eco-feminism (a theory of sorts positing that scientific advancements benefit the patriarchy but leave women out). When the interrogatory tactics of these beastly students failed them they resorted to derision — citing Miss Venkatesan’s lectures and reportedly frequent outbursts (in response to the students incredulous questioning) as the “problem”.
Sadly, the strain of the assault left Miss Venkatesan with one option, to leave in a huff, file suit, and threaten to release an exposé that will “name names”. Thankfully, with what is obviously a rock-solid case and specialty in a science that teaches that “Scientific facts do not correspond to a natural reality but conform to a social construct” she should have no problem acquiring further work.
Take heed potential collegians. Should the sordid tale of Miss Venkatesan not sway your misguided momentum toward scholarly pursuits you need only look to Ectomo. We notable masters of wordsmithery bear our uneducated lack of post-secondary schooling as badges of honor, and just look at all we’ve accomplished.
Post-Modernist Prof Sues School Claiming Students asking too many Subversive Questions [Don’t Tase Me Bro (seriously) : ectochat] Thanks, Six!
QED Bitch [Flickr via Frozen Chipmunk]
Categories: #ectomo, Rail, Forbidden Knowledge, College, Higher Education, Tongue-in-cheek, America, Idiots, Ectochat, Fascism, Books
Posted at 7:30 pm on May 7, 2008
20 Comments -
My master’s degree has given me the knowledge to tell you that the word you want there is “jibe,” not “jive.”
See, education is good for something.
Comment by Jennifer dG — May 7, 2008 @ 8:12 pm
The years I spent ignoring homework in favor of MUD’s has given me the knowledge that the ‘B’ and ‘V’ keys are in close proximity to one another. But thank you all the same.
Comment by Qais Fulton — May 7, 2008 @ 8:28 pm
How curious. At my uni (or at least at the institute I’m in), the professors are encouraging us to bring a healthy dose of scepticism towards everything we hear or what we read.
Of course, in return, the students don’t get personal.
Might be a country thing, tho.
Comment by Sutekh — May 7, 2008 @ 8:47 pm
After 3 college degrees, I can tell with certainty that you were dead on when you said that college is designed to transfigure humans into “unquestioning automatons adequately prepared for the endless toil of an office.” And scat porn actors. Corporate managers love to see multiple college degrees because it says to them “this candidate will not only eat shit and like it, he’ll come back for seconds.”
Comment by Armchair Tyrant — May 7, 2008 @ 9:51 pm
This teacher just set eco feminism back a billion years.
Comment by eco femme — May 7, 2008 @ 10:01 pm
If that allows me to club unsuspecting women and drag them back to my cave then she is to be commended.
Comment by Qais Fulton — May 7, 2008 @ 10:13 pm
As a lowly staff member at a small college, I am often amazed that all the professors’ egos can fit in such a small area. Sometimes when I am bored or getting crap from one of the almighty professors, I like to picture their egos duking it out gladiator style.
On a side note, here’s where I originally read about Ms Venkatesan:
http://thedartmouth.com/2008/04/28/news/classactionsuit/
Comment by monkey — May 7, 2008 @ 10:29 pm
Time to dust off our wifin’ clubs, Qais.
Comment by chesh — May 7, 2008 @ 10:42 pm
Here’s an interview that proves how crazy she is:
http://dartlog.net/2008/04/tdr-interview-priya-venkatesan.php
unfortunately, she was hired by Northeastern afterwards.
Comment by Tracy — May 7, 2008 @ 10:59 pm
that interview proves to me that she also can’t seem to speak well, how anyone is expected to pay money to listen to her talk is beyond me, sounds like she was a shitty teacher and her students expressed their belief that she couldn’t teach by not showing her respect. Why should they if she can’t do her job?
“…they turned the tables around. Bullying, aggressive, and disrespectful.” OH! so the prof is supposed to be bullying and disrespectful, not the students! my mistake.
glad to be graduating college and get out of the insane atmosphere that is academics.
Ectomo- I salute you and can only aspire to your grand positions in Internet wordsmithery and blogging. Live the dream my friends, live it hard and fast.
Comment by Andy — May 8, 2008 @ 12:09 am
11 years of college (including 5 years in graduate school), and I could never survive a single day as a corporate automaton. I am exactly the type subversive students that Prof. Venkatesan complains about.
I, along with a few others were disruptive in a mechatronics class taught by a new professor. Two years later, the guy was my graduate advisor. Funny how that all works out.
One of these days, I’m going to be straight out attacked by a student from a class I’m teaching. I’m a grader in a class this semester, and I’m constantly fucking with the students. Writing nonsense comments on exams and handing out [deserved] low grades left and right.
The lesson to be learned here is that college or workplace, life it shit. Kids, go live on the fucking streets!
Comment by flikx — May 8, 2008 @ 12:35 am
My brother and I have both determined that our underachiever colleges are pretty much the same as Ivy League schools, except Ivy League schools cause more stress and you still don’t learn as much as you would actually doing a job. The choke the shit down analogy Armchair Tyrant postulated holds true.
Comment by Agent Arsenic — May 8, 2008 @ 12:58 am
they learned me gooder at collage
The way I see it, college is justification to avoid the real world. I’ve had “real jobs”, and it’s been nothing but misery and crushed dreams. Now that I’m back in school I can still pretend that the world is my oyster and that if I work hard and eat my vegetables then there is nothing I can’t accomplish.
It’s an easy way to delay that whole “Well fuck, what the shit am I gonna do now?” situation for a few years. I like to think of it as the “wandering lost in the desert for 40 years” part of the journey. Maybe you’ll stumble across a path that takes you somewhere infinitely better for your than your intended destination? Or you could end up using your AA in general studies to help you secure that assistant shift manager position at the Cracker Barrel.
Either way, it beats blogging for a living.
Comment by DAVE — May 8, 2008 @ 3:28 am
I’ve seen people waste thousands of dollars on college by being there. Not as a student but as an always-on-campus girlfriend of a student. I saw an awful lot of people barely doing any work, and not really paying any attention to what it is they were supposed to be learning. In some cases by way of majoring in a subject they had no real interest in whatsoever.
I wish there’d be a professor like that around so I had an excuse to get involved in the actual community instead of the usual Drama Cycle.
I on the other hand, did not complete high school (for a variety of reasons), completed the GED like it was a very dull cake walk, and proceeded to jump into the work force.
It’s been a rather unique career path and I don’t think I’ve worked for a company that could accurately be called “corporate” yet. Still there are enough shades of “suit, tie, degree or you’re out” lurking in the wings that I cannot wait to find a way off the hamster wheel. mmm… system bucking.
Comment by Giania — May 8, 2008 @ 9:51 am
People like that shouldn’t be teaching.
However, I can give you a hundred examples of students who in their way were worse than she was.
The level of assumed privilege and undeserved self-esteem among college kids today is staggering. I’ve experienced it as a teacher, and I know many–*many*–teachers who have as well. Check out ratemystudents.com for some mind-blowing examples.
I’d say a good 25% of college professors shouldn’t be teaching. I’d say a good 75% of college students shouldn’t be in college.
Comment by Jess Nevins — May 8, 2008 @ 10:43 am
I have a semi-related question for the Lords of Ectoplasmosis: When there is a typo or incorrect word in a posting, do you want us to mention it? Is it worth the incessant sound of triumphant nitpickery to get small errors corrected?
I ask for my own edification; ’cause I’m never sure what to do in situations like that. I know corrections get old fast.
Comment by V. Blame — May 8, 2008 @ 12:48 pm
“Jibe,” “Jive”…bah…I’ve got an MFA and a 10 thousand dollar a year job…
College nowadays is like trade school. I honestly would have done a lot better financially if I went into plumbing or even retail right out of high school. I did however once meet Alan Alda so college must be good for something.
Comment by eltiburo — May 8, 2008 @ 12:58 pm
@V.Blame: It varies from person to person. I readily accept constructive criticism and am not offended by someone pointing out typos if it’s done politely.
Comment by Qais Fulton — May 8, 2008 @ 1:05 pm
Thanks, Qais. Personally I love having stuff like that pointed out. It makes spelling and grammar feel like a sport, and one that I get to not suck at.
Second paragraph, I think you mean “sowing” falsehoods.
Comment by V. Blame — May 8, 2008 @ 1:18 pm
Indeed I did, thanks!
Comment by Qais Fulton — May 8, 2008 @ 1:20 pm