Concuss Your Child With The Transogram Swing Wing!

What you have here is psychiatry’s first patented device to deal with the onset of ADHD in hyperactive children. Is your child bouncing around, dizzy and quivering from head to toe, their circulatory system pumping what, under a microscope, appears to be a hemoglobulous mixture of lemonade and pixy sticks? Do you just need a break? Then slap a Transogram Swing Wing on his bean and watch him head-bang until he passes out in an alarmingly expanding nose bleed.

Lileks suggests it also might be a “a mutant-detection program the government ran in the late 60s to identify children whose brains could resist high levels of stress; they were carefully groomed to become astronauts and fighter pilots.” He goes on to note that “Reader’s Digest did an expose on the toys, asking once again “Why Can’t Johnny Read?” with the sensible answer that Johnny had a series of small but cumulatively disabling cerebral hemorrhages.”

Anyone else wish that this was a required element of the dress code for The Night of Hardest Partying?

Swing Wing [Youtube] : Lileks : Instapundit