Cthulhu Cthursday: Cthulhu Karts

It might appear at first glance that I have become some sort of cheap shill, a prostitute willing to debase my self at the mere suggestion of product, regardless of its quality. This is,
however, not the case. I am, as of yet, in no position to buy in sell out but I assure you that I await that moment with baited breath.

No, instead what we have here is a perfectly valid excuse for me to talk about videogames which, despite Eliza being of the opinion that my views on the subject are on par with, say, an otter suffering from Down’s Syndrome, is one that I love nonetheless.

Let me say, however, that it is difficult to retain one’s enthusiasm for for one’s hobby in the face of such cutting criticism. If you are “in the know” (or, similarly, “down with O.P.P.”), you are aware that the horrifically deformed blasphemous lovely Miss Gauger is an actual, flesh and blood games journalist, which is to say that when she “raps” and “tells it like it is” people will listen and, in some cases, moisten with incoherent and unearthly rage. She is, then, a professional and, as such, her views on my worth as a human being carry both weight and value, making them capable of delivering a swift and vicious one-two punch to my, admittedly, already emaciated and tattered self-esteem.

My apologies for the tangent. Now, where was I? Ah yes, videogames. This Cthursday offers up Cthulhu Karts, for your personal computational device, from developer Schadenfreude Interactive. The press for the game exclaims, “Now that Cthulhu Karts has come to the PC, the Old Ones aren’t just for the little ones anymore!” You can also collect “Elder Seals to unlock primordial horrors,” while racing 25 avatars and karts on 13 tracks including, but not limited to, Mountains of Madness, Arkham Asylum, R’lyeh, and the ever popular Grandpa Kevin’s MiniGolf n’ Grand Prix.

It also supports non-Euclidian geometry with Direct X ?-1 and has system requirements that lead me to believe that my own PC would be able to run it at a seemingly modest two thousand frames per second, offering an experience that I could describe as being not unlike the smoothness of butter with utmost confidence, while still falling short of the Holy Grail of frame rates: “colon blistering”.

Really the only downside is that, unfortunately, they were not able to secure David Hasselhoff for voice overs but, as we all know, no product can be perfect.

Cthulhu Karts [Schadenfreude Interactive] Thanks, James