Don’t Move

An episode of the Batman TV series that I can’t remember ever having seen, but which exists nonetheless. Batman, Robin the Boy Wonder, and Batgirl are taken captive by the evil Commissioner Nora Clavicle who places them in the devious Siamese Human Knot which the slightest movement will cause to draw tighter, crush their bones, and strangle them. It also produces a visual that, at first blush, very much resembles Batgirl in a comic book geek’s perverted DP/ménage à trois fantasy and at second blush very much resembles Batgirl in a comic book geek’s perverted DP/ménage à trois fantasy.

The plot is equally nonsensical. Whilst our heroes are otherwise “preoccupied” the nefarious Commissioner plans to destroy Gotham City, on which she has recently placed a ten million dollar insurance policy. In case you were wondering just what that would cost, Batman provides the answer: a seemingly quite affordable two hundred dollars a month. In the end the heroes untangle themselves via a technique that Batman “just recalled” and which consists of him wiggling his ears while Robin bends the fourth finger on his left hand. And now you know, should you find yourself in a similar predicament, although you should, perhaps, refrain from imitating Adam West’s gasp of “I’m wiggling,” as you do.

Burt Ward’s usually silly exclamations reach ridiculous heights here, “Holy knit one purl two,” being just one of many in this short scene. This show was never intent on taking itself seriously but, truly, they achieve a new level of absurdity here. “Exactly Robin. This is torture at its most bizarre…and terrible.”

Siamese Human Knot Batgirl [YouTube] : poeTV