Cthulhu Cthursday: Home Schooling Your Neonate

I’m not big on children, with the exception of their use as a source of nourishment. However, if I did take a break from my daily regiment of jolting my testicles with a cattle prod and imbibing gallons of Mountain Dew long enough to allow me to spawn, I would most certainly begin educating my future cultist with Baby’s First Mythos, written by C.J. Henderson and featuring illustrations by Erica Henderson. The inscription for the two plates above should lay to rest any doubts that this should be added to your clandestine curriculum:

D is for DAGON,
Because he’s one of the gods,
And not for the Deep Ones,
Who’re a step up from frogs.

4 is for the NIGHTGAUNTS,
Who abandon victims in the Vale of Pnath.

I for one would not trust America’s educational system -or any other’s for that matter with, perhaps, the exception of Leng’s- to teach my vaginally excreted, uterine parasite child traditional Cthulian values. Would you?

Baby’s First Mythos [Z-Man] : Lux Mentis, Lux Orbis