Paranormal Restraining Orders

If you have a problem with a pretty pesky poltergeist or other paranormal partycrasher, fear not! You can get a paranormal restraining order filed against whatever particular monster might be buggin’ you.

Keep them away!

Since the dawn of time, mankind has sought the means of keeping away supernatural and paranormal entities. Now, for only $5 each, receive a printed document that bars them from approaching or contacting you.

For $5, you can file a restraining order against zombies (always a problem in the Pittsburgh area), Satan, Aliens, God, or even—gasp!—that most monstrous of all monsters: David Letterman.

Unfortunately, they do not offer restraint orders for Cthulhu. You try serving papers to a Great Old One….Write back and tell me how it feels to be devoured down to the quark level.

Paranormal Restraining Orders [Paranormal Restraining Orders] (Thanks, xaoswolf!)