Don’t Quack Baby, Just Lie Still

I’m comfortable being “that guy” here at ectomo. You know, the guy who writes about freaky sex that may or may not involve species other than my own. I’m alright with it although, admittedly, for a long time I wasn’t. Everyone here has been really supportive since I came out though, I must say. I mean, Eliza throws-up a little every time we pass each other near the coffee maker, but she’s at least trying make eye contact with me now.

So, that being said, imagine my unbridled joy when I came upon a link to a Guardian article titled Necrophilia Among Ducks Ruffles Feathers. Oh, I’ll bet it does.

The article relates the tale of Dutch researcher Kees Moeliker who, while in his office in the Natuurmuseum Rotterdam, was startled by the loud bang of a mallard hitting the building’s glass facade. He then recounts the scene that greeted him upon his arrival:

” ‘I went downstairs immediately to see if the window was damaged, and saw a drake mallard (anas platyrhynchos) lying motionless on its belly in the sand, two metres outside the facade. The unfortunate duck apparently had hit the building in full flight at a height of about three metres from the ground. Next to the obviously dead duck, another male mallard (in full adult plumage without any visible traces of moult) was present. He forcibly picked into the back, the base of the bill and mostly into the back of the head of the dead mallard for about two minutes, then mounted the corpse and started to copulate, with great force, almost continuously picking the side of the head.’”

Moeliker, however, seems to be a consummate professional for, while horrified by this enthusiastic humping, he remained on scene for seventy five minutes, taking notes and photographs. He continues:

“‘He dismounted only twice, stayed near the dead duck and picked the neck and the side of the head before mounting again. The first break (at 18.29 hours) lasted three minutes and the second break (at 18.45 hours) lasted less than a minute. At 19.12 hours, I disturbed this cruel scene. The necrophilic mallard only reluctantly left his ‘mate’: when I had approached him to about five metres, he did not fly away but simply walked off a few metres, weakly uttering a series of two-note ‘raeb-raeb’ calls. I secured the dead duck and left the museum at 19.25 hours. The mallard was still present at the site, calling ‘raeb-raeb’ and apparently looking for his victim.’”

Mr. Moeliker theorized that the ducks may have been involved in a “rape flight” attempt. This may surprise you, but it seems that, contrary to popular belief, ducks are bastards. While as many as 19% of mallard couples are homosexual meaning, perhaps, that mallard society is much more accepting than our own, they also regularly indulge in rape flights, in which groups pursue individuals and take turns mating with them once they have been sufficiently weakened. “Rape is a normal reproductive strategy in mallards,” explains Mr Moeliker, making mallards the avian equivalent of drunken frat boys.

The ensuing academic paper netted Mr. Moeliker an Ig Nobel award that year and sparked much interest in Britain, though there have been no other reports of duck on duck-corpse action, homosexual or otherwise. There was, however, an American case involving squirrels, although it is not known whether the necrophilia observed was homosexual or not as the victim had been run over by a truck shortly beforehand.

Necrophilia among ducks ruffles feathers [Guardian] : Chatquah and Galoshes