Tubular Argot

The internet is both a fantastic and horrible thing, striking a strange dichotomy in it’s usefulness and ability to induce horror and rage, rule 34 and Wikipedia being examples of both. The way we communicate across the tubes is in itself a unique mishmash of self evolving slang and horrible, horrible, shorthand. Occasionally I’m forced to interact with people that take full advantage of the lexicon of the lazy, staring slackjawed at barely intelligible stream of consciousness screeds interspersed with the occasional “LOL” or emoticon, both of which could easily drive a man to murder. I often find myself wondering just who I could unleash my wrath upon for releasing this evil into the world as opposed to the wholly unsatisfying daily curmudgeonry I find myself relegated to.

I have found him Ectomites, my fiery wrath can now commence, and in the horrible Qtopia of my mind the originator of these bastardizations is the first against the wall.

About 25 years ago a Mr. Scott E. Fahlman of Carnegie University came upon the unholy matrimony of colon, hyphen, and parentheses thus instigating a series of events that would result in my near constant aggravation at having to interact with people that prefer to comport themselves as barely literate waterheads as opposed to making themselves clear, concise, and perhaps, just perhaps, erudite in correspondence. Fahlman had a picture taken in front of his horrible monstrosity in which I supposed his intention was to look genial and benign, the father to lighthearted conversation across the tubes, but all I can see is a smug bastard smiling knowingly. Fahlman aware of what he has done and you can be sure he sits up at night enveloped by a massive oak chair, fingers steepled, cackling maniacally at the fiendish works he has wrought.

My only solace is knowing that on the day I finally grind my teeth to a fine powder out of frustration I will know exactly whom to bill for the dental work to follow.

Source via News4Gamers