Lunatic’s Ball at Pentecostal Service
Posted by John Brownlee
The best first-personal account of attending a Pentecostal service I’ve ever read:
When Reverend Bud’s preaching reached an end, the organs would suddenly blare and everyone would hop to their feet. The singing and the clapping would swell to a crescendo and the children would titter excitedly in their seats. The fever and shouts of religious undulation would continue until the crowd worked themselves into a literal frenzy and then…
…..THWAK!
Sister Ruth, an older woman with long silver hair, would collapse onto the ground in the front row. Experiencing her own special brand of religious ecstasy, Sister Ruth would wriggle and writhe on the Church floor until her skirt hiked up over her hips to reveal her panties. Farm Animals. Sister Ruth’s panties always had pictures of farm animals on them…
At this point in the service, the adults would collectively lose their fucking minds. They’d hop around in circles, screaming. They’d hysterically cry and hold their arms up towards the heavens. They’d gyrate around on the floor and speak in some unintelligible language: Bugga bugga boo! Oh, I love you Jesus! Yada gabba doodle boo boo wak!
I once dated a girl who was in a Pentecostal church. I went to service one time and remember marveling: far from the subdued, rather drowsy 45 minute service of my local Congregational Church, the service went on for hours. It was like the Jenga block Tower of Babel at the local insane asylum had just toppled over. I remember distinctly the strange, ape-like dance of a retarded man in the first row, who would begin hooting, tearing at his clothes and screaming at the sky. Word had it that he was an ex-CIA agent who’d been shot through the head, and a pink, hairless mass of scars at the back of his head seemed to support this hypothesis. It was awesome.
The Pentecostal Church and The Holy Ghost Want You To Wear Pig Panties [Violent Acres] : Cynical-C
Categories: Lunatics, Religion
Posted at 6:28 am on September 12, 2007
4 Comments -
I went to highschool with some Pentecostals. They were never that animated. I guess they kept it to themselves in their services.
I came from a Catholic family, and was in the beginning stages of my newfound atheism at the time. You’d think that would lead to some interesting conversations, but actually we got along reasonably well, all things considered.
Comment by Peregrine — September 12, 2007 @ 9:07 am
I’ve been to Pentecostal churches in my youth as well. All I can say about it is…
“IA IA, CTHULHU FHTAGN!!!”
Comment by Brandon — September 12, 2007 @ 10:04 am
My parents are hardcore pentecostal, so growing up I was forced to go to church with them and witness that sort of stuff every Sunday. I’ve seen lots of people speaking in tongues, dancing about, and collapsing due to being overwhelmed by the holy spirit. I still think it’s weird.
I had someone try to explain to me that Pentecostal services are concrete proof of the existence of God. You know, because it shows that the Holy Spirit actually is tangible, because it makes everyone talk funny and prance around. I thought it was pretty asinine, but I wanted to be polite, so I asked “What about at a football game? People do the same thing there.” Which they do. Shirtless men screaming incomprehensible things at people that can’t hear them. People invoking the name of an invisible man in the sky asking him to do their bidding. I’m sure you get the idea.
Anyway, the guy totally ignored my question and just started talking about the Auburn Tigers. I’m not sure which is bigger in the South, College Football or Jesus, but either way I’m glad there are titty bars in Florida. If one could actually see God anywhere, it’d be at the Gold Nugget in Panama City.
Comment by Slacker — September 12, 2007 @ 12:33 pm
I find it amusing that the google ads to the immediate right of this article are trying to profit off of brain injury. It seems to imply that there is a demographic that google wants to profit off of. Apparently this group is so numerous that it is profitable to advertise to them in any article with the word brain in it.
Comment by Hlaode — September 13, 2007 @ 1:05 am