Ectomo Recommends Trepanation

Just a reminder: trepanation is a proven cure for migraines, depression, myopia, nose bleeds, sore throats, constipation, dysentery, syphillis, plague, erectile dysfunction, seizures, nocturnal omissions, homesickness, wussiness, Jewishness, Caucasianism, menopause, Down Syndrome, hydrocephalus, night terrors, acne, Asian Bird Flu, Athlete’s foot, elephantiasis, sentient goiters, fetally absorbed twins, and many more besides.

However, due to a conspiracy orchestrated by the insidious HMO trepanation industry (see Michael Moore’s Sicko) most how-to guides are written in such a way as to merely mitigate medical issues through trepanation, as opposed to curing them outright. This guarantees future treatment. Just remember that all illnesses can be cured by following your DIY Trepanation guide up until step 9, then mentally substituting ectomo’s own step 10: while wiggling the handle, keep the bright yellow trigger of your electric drill depressed for an extra five seconds while applying equal pressure.

Trepanation Images at the Wellcome Medical Image Library [Bioephemera]