You said you had a good idea
involving business and pleasure…
Pop duo Moufette’s Pet the Lion seems to be a song about making porn, but I can’t be sure. The refrain–go pet the lion, you know it wants you to see her–is so obscure that I spent many minutes looking for the lyrics before finally giving up. It is mournful, perplexing, and catchy by turns. A perfect little pop-dollop for a Thursday afternoon.
Porn star actress Barbii performs live on stage to an army of camera-toting guests at the X-Rated Critics Organization awards gathering recently at the Country Club in Reseda. Photo dated: May 3, 1988
A wet leaf becomes a field of bubbles under the gaze of Sophie’s camera lens. Part of Wired’s list of macro photography; porn for the reversing ring set.
The feature film knockoff is arguably the most celebrated pornographic genre, not so much for the films themselves but their inventive titles. That statement is, however, a bit misleading considering that most of these titles are, in fact, fake. Still, it is perhaps far more palatable for many to imagine films like Schindler’s Fist or How Stella Got Her tubes Packed than to acknowledge the vast cornucopia of filth that can be found through even the most innocuous of unfiltered Google searches.
Regardless, knockoff porno has, of course, been made; but few have produced the atrocity that is 1973′s Bat Pussy. After the introduction from a sharp dressed man — who may or may not have been the inspiration for John Travolta as he prepared for the roll of Vincent Vega — who informs us that, should we not wish to view a porno we probably should have paid more attention to the neon signs when we entered the theater, the movie proper begins. We are informed that in a secret underground warehouse, Adora Dildo, a.k.a. Bat Pussy is waiting patiently for her “twat to twitch”, which it seems is a sign that a crime is going to be committed, like a vaginal Spider-sense.
This apparently occurs, for Bat Pussy emerges, now costumed, from an outhouse, leaps onto a red rubber ball and proceeds to bounce across a rural landscape in what must be the most inefficient mode of transportation one could employ, short of getting from place to place by doing “The Worm”. Aware of this shortcoming, our white trash heroine makes a bee-line for the scene, stopping only to foil the plans of a lecherous, portly man who attempts to accost a young woman and to urinate, which she probably should have done back at the outhouse before she left.
Eventually she arrives and here, thankfully, this edit ends as what follows would have been unpleasant. It seems that the crime was, in fact, the filming of a porno:
Picture a beehived redhead Trailer Trash chick in her 40′s from Tennessee doing some MAJOR shit-talking to an impotent hillbilly while rolling around naked on a bed trying to copulate.
No. No I think I shan’t. I’ve seen more than enough and, really, some things are better left unseen.
In his new book, Excavating Kafka, author James Hawes publishes a sampling of the late author’s secret collection of mail order pornography, copies of which Hawes stumbled upon while performing unrelated research in the British Library in London and the Bodleian in Oxford leading one to the conclusion that someone knew about Kafka’s erotic peccadilloes. Why then are they only coming to light now? Well, it could be that they are filthy:
Even today, the pornography would be “on the top shelf”, Dr Hawes said, noting that his American publisher did not want him to publish it at first. “These are not naughty postcards from the beach. They are undoubtedly porn, pure and simple. Some of it is quite dark, with animals committing fellatio and girl-on-girl action… It’s quite unpleasant.”
So there it is. It seems that Kafka scholars, unable to bear the idea of the mind behind The Trial and The Metamorphosis being titillated by the forbidden fruit of bestiality, have done their best to ignore it.
I think I speak for all of Ectomo when I say that this is a fantastic discovery. Mr. Hawes and I may have differing opinions on the photographic depiction of erotic lesbian encounters — which I would maintain is one of Nature’s great wonders and should be recorded at every opportunity, particularly if both parties are in heels — but I share his excitement over this discovery. I for one look forward to describing pornography featuring barnyard animals as being “Kafkaesque”.
Update: Sven KaoZ maintains, in the comments, that this is a stunt by Hawes to sell his book and that the magazines in question were published by Kafka collaborator, Franz Blei. The Wikipedia entry for Blei makes mention of this as well.
Perhaps a realization of George Putnam’s apocryphal fear-mongering, Farm Sluts is a short film by director Collin Friesen and starring Cgris Parnell. Made for Fox Searchlight’s Searchlab project, it chronicles the meteoric downfall of a gentleman who unwisely opens some pornographic spam. One guess as to what’s inside.
Welcome to Ectomo’s 33rd Mostly-Weekly Saturday Morning Cartoons Show. Today we present to you a smorgasbord of delectable animated dishes; a smattering of drama, horror, humor, and vintage erotica served up steaming hot for your enjoyment. So sit back, relax, and prepare to have you senses assaulted with ‘toonage!.
• Don Hertzfeldt. welcomes you to the show!
• Transformers: “”More Than Meets the Eye Parts 1-3″. Over an hour of thinly veiled toy commercials masquerading as a children’s cartoon. Learn how the Autobots and the Decepticons came to Earth and which plastic and die-cast metal action figure to beg for! Seriously though, while the cartoon doesn’t hold up particularly well and while it is just a glorified toy commercial, I still can’t shake my love for Transformers.
• Comedian Louis C.K. uses animation to explore some of his father issues.
• Eveready Harton in Buried Treasure: A piece of animation history; the first pornographic cartoon. Rumor is that it was made for a private party in honor of the great Windsor McKay and that such visionaries as Max Fleischer and the Mutt and Jeff studio were involved.
• The Real Ghostbusters: “The Boogieman Cometh”. One of my favorite episodes of this show, the design for the Boogieman is just brilliant, his oversized head, replete with glass-shard like teeth, and cloven hooves makes for a great image.
• Intermission, by Don Hertzfeldt.
• Welcome To Eltingville: “Bring me the Head of Boba Fett”. The first and only episode of this cartoon based on Evan Dorkin’s Eisner-Award-winning “Eltingville Comic-Book, Science-Fiction, Fantasy, Horror, and Role-Playing Club” published in the pages of Dork. Featuring four gentleman — Bill Dickey, Josh Levy, Pete DiNunzio, and Jerry Stokes — who are friends of a fashion, but geeks to the fullest. In this episode a battle erupts over the ownership of a Boba Fett figurine and hilarity thus ensues. Cameo by MC Chris, which I’m pretty sure was a prerequisite for [adult swim] cartoons for a while.
• Paranoia Agent: “The Holy Warrior”. Detectives Ikari and Maniwa interrogate Lil’ Slugger who confuses his realities and believes that the world around him is a medieval-style RPG while his quest is to defeat the evil Gouma who possesses other people to fight. Ikari and Maniwa follows Lil’ Slugger through his “journey” and see that it does coincide with all of the attacks — all except for Tsukiko Sagi. However, Lil’ Slugger points the detectives to where the old lady is who may posses the truth.
In sheer defiance of the World Wide Web Consortium's will, Ectomo was designed using a non-web-standard font. Luckily, it is included in the excellent font pack released by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, which can be freely downloaded in Mac and PC formats here. Ectomo should still look fine without it, though.
