It’s a sad fact that most of us are guaranteed at least one hearse ride.
Most of us, however, will not ride in hearses as radical as the ones depicted in the video, posted above for your viewing pleasure.
According to the aforementioned film clip, the Denver Hearse Club was barred from participating in…shall we say, mainstream car shows due, one would assume, to their somewhat darque demeanor and choice of whip. I say it’s their damn loss, and our damn gain, because this is the coolest video your Humble Correspondent has seen in a month of Sundays. A pack of unruly Gothic do-gooders kicking ass with assault rifles goes a long way with me, and the fact these acts are committed to the strident tones of the theme to “The A-Team”? Come on.
Come on.
They whack a Soviet with a hearse door, for Cromm Cruaich’s sakes. And who hasn’t wanted to do that?
There’s a lot of weird shit out there, and a lot of it comes from Japan. This clip, from a new prime-time television program, features a superheroine who has magical boobies.
Let that sink in. Roll it around in your head for a second.
The laser breasts would make her more than a match for any fishperson river spirit a monster killer might encounter. But what if she’s accosted by townspeople angered at the defeat of the only being that can bring them passion/koi? She’s done for! Not to worry. Her rack’s skillset also includes hypnosis.
Frank Frazetta died of a stroke today. He was born in 1928, which, to put it into perspective for most of the children reading/posting on this site, means he was alive for every single Marx Brothers theatrical release.
The man was incredibly influential, of course. Moreso than is generally acknowledged, even by his fans. His influence was not only near-universal in modern figurative genre art, but at no point has anyone surmounted the bar he set for his own style. Boris Vallejo, Julie Bell, and the rest of the artists working in the cheesy-paperback-cover genre absorbed his tricks and cheats, but somehow never achieved his level of charm. I believe Frazetta’s true talent lay in his power of suggestion: he knew what not to paint.
The Moon Maid
date unknown
One of my favorite Frank Frazetta pieces. The colors here are what does it. Frazetta was a master of skin tone, and it was from him, via my father, that I learned the trick of combining contrasting colors to make realistic skin tones. Note the yellow ochre and lavender on the girl’s skin—eyepopping colors combining to produce a super-organic pallor. Nobody since Sargent could paint skin like this (see the infamous Madame X), and nobody but Frazetta bothered to render all the dimples, ruffles, creases and swellings of a voluptuous woman’s butt. His anatomy could be sloppy when he was in a rush, but he knew exactly how much to paint and how much to imply. Her hands are mere suggestive brushstrokes, her face is a sweet nothing, and the background fades into a mauve mist. The little realisms, like this princess’ fat ass and heavy breasts, sold the image, and transported her from yet another yawn-inducing pinup, to a vulnerable, round, strong, soft, sexy being.
Over the past few days, I have been running a call-in Twitter show in which I quickly (or slowly) sketch up pictures based on ideas sent in by the audience. I call it the Sweatshop, and there have been two rounds so far.
Round 1 was simple: I asked the people for a pair of words.
Kevin Doran sent in “This is why you’re told never to flush used condoms down the toilet.”
I’ve been asked to do another round on Monday night, around 8pm PST, to be streamed live to the DNA Lounge in San Francisco. Which may mean I’ll need to draw less nipples and robot twat, but we’ll see.
Hit the jump to see the rest of the horrors (some are not work safe), and latch onto me at Twitter to leech valuable nutrients from my skin.
The first glance at any appropriately “zany” product from the Far East isn’t normally a time for introspective reflection. And yet, when faced with the knit knockers above, I found I simply couldn’t help but ponder the greater questions a creation such as these is apt to pose. Compelled to question the warm reception these crafted casabas garnered from the ever-raging garbage fire that serves as my brain.
My suspicion was simply that if these had been the brainchild of Wee Kemp, TruckNutz magnate and entrepreneur extraordinaire, in an attempt to expand his anatomic empire, they would be immediately regarded as tacky and tasteless. Where as, by dint of (seemingly) originating in Asia, they are more likely to be regarded as “quirky” and “cute”.
Thankfully, ChristWire was Johnny-on-the-spot, as it were, rectifying my assumptions with their own take on the tit-scarf:
As if the Chinese weren’t the most veil [sic] people already, they have invented a new scarf called the “Boob Scarf.”
What sick and twisted people they are. No wonder our good friend Amber post the great story “I Am Extremely Terrified Of Chinese People.”
I guess the scarf is suppose to be humorous and I guess it is if you’re a sin ridden, freedom hating Chinaman!
Women’s breasts are for one thing only and that is to feed a newborn. Not to be shown off in a sexual or humorous way!
These commie, sex crazed, child abusing wackos need to be nuked. To bad our Christian leader George Bush still isn’t in office. He would wipe these low lives out with a holy nuke from GOD!
BOO China! BOO!
Lest you assume this “Soldier of God” is nothing more than a weak-willed loon with regular access to a computer, I direct you to the ramblings of one Mr. JWZ, reporting on these very same removable boobs a full seven years ago. Gaze in drooling, slack-jawed horror at the state of things, and feel The Fear wash over you as you begin to understand. The rapidly declining quality of the world as we know it is, quite obviously, directly attributable to these fiendish crafts.
In sheer defiance of the World Wide Web Consortium's will, Ectomo was designed using a non-web-standard font. Luckily, it is included in the excellent font pack released by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, which can be freely downloaded in Mac and PC formats here. Ectomo should still look fine without it, though.
