It is an arguable point that, next to our Spiritual Leader, Mister Howard Philips Lovecraft, Robert E. Howard was the greatest success of the Weird Tales era of genre fiction. He cut a bloody, sexual, and grim swath through the Fantasy of the day with his stories of Conan the Cimmerian, the reverberations of which were the standard of imaginative fiction until J.R.R. Tolkien suplexed the genre with The Lord of the Rings in the Fifties.
It is only natural that some lunatic genius would want to make a goddamn musical of the thing, which I share with you now. Imagine a lithe, pantherish Schwarzenegger, thews rippling, hewing Rexor, Priest of Set, then ripping it up Broadway-style.
And oh yes, my babies my children, there are cleavings.
Being the first part in five of the autobiographical chronicle of a curious dwarf and his even curiouser career, as related to Mr. Florian Eckhardt at a Men’s Penal Colony in the late autumn of 2007. Read onward!
When people first meet me, the first thing they notice is not the tiny dwarf standing before them, or — as my school chums used to call me right before grabbing me by my ankles, swinging me around their heads and lazily chucking me into the stratosphere — “Tiny Midget Mowcher.” Nor is it my throbbing biceps, my oiled pectorals, my abdominals arrayed like a colony of quivering, bronze-shelled oysters. In fact, when people first meet me, they don’t notice me at all, but only the enormous, fluid-filled scrotum I carry around on my back. In short, I suppose you could say that the first thing people notice about me is my career, and considering the fact that most people define themselves by their professions, I guess that makes me as normal as the rest of you.
In sheer defiance of the World Wide Web Consortium's will, Ectomo was designed using a non-web-standard font. Luckily, it is included in the excellent font pack released by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, which can be freely downloaded in Mac and PC formats here. Ectomo should still look fine without it, though.
