It’s a sad fact that most of us are guaranteed at least one hearse ride.
Most of us, however, will not ride in hearses as radical as the ones depicted in the video, posted above for your viewing pleasure.
According to the aforementioned film clip, the Denver Hearse Club was barred from participating in…shall we say, mainstream car shows due, one would assume, to their somewhat darque demeanor and choice of whip. I say it’s their damn loss, and our damn gain, because this is the coolest video your Humble Correspondent has seen in a month of Sundays. A pack of unruly Gothic do-gooders kicking ass with assault rifles goes a long way with me, and the fact these acts are committed to the strident tones of the theme to “The A-Team”? Come on.
Come on.
They whack a Soviet with a hearse door, for Cromm Cruaich’s sakes. And who hasn’t wanted to do that?
I had not previously considered that morticians might have a worldwide standards body along the lines of, say, the American Medical Association or the Association for Computing Machinery, but they do. Its actual name (FIAT-IFTA) is an unremarkable acronym but its tagline is “The World Organization of Funeral Operatives”.
Funeral operatives. Tell me those two words do not make you think of a crack undercover squad of superspy-morticians, doing battle with the dead who rise each night (a la Dellamorte Dellamore) and those who would seek to control them and wreak havoc upon an innocent world. They even have a woodcut-style secret society seal logo. There is an ankh, ladies and gentlemen. It does not get more awesome than this. Delving deeper into the site, one finds fascinating things like the Travel Document for the Dead, which is perhaps the most quintessentially modern answer to the Ferryman’s pennies I have ever heard. You can order it online.
Then they go and blow all that spooky cred by billing the website as THE OPEN PLATFORM FOR THE FUNERAL WORLD, which makes them sound like a crack undercover squad of superspy-morticians who work at a social networking startup. I swear. Undertakers these days.
I would sum up my fear about the future in one word: boring. And that’s my one fear: that everything has happened; nothing exciting or new or interesting is ever going to happen again… the future is just going to be a vast, conforming suburb of the soul.
In sheer defiance of the World Wide Web Consortium's will, Ectomo was designed using a non-web-standard font. Luckily, it is included in the excellent font pack released by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, which can be freely downloaded in Mac and PC formats here. Ectomo should still look fine without it, though.
