Some things I have learned from after having watched this video and read some of the comments on YouTube:

• Okoboji is a town, located between East and West Lake Okoboji in what is known as the Iowa Great Lakes

• The women who are to be found in the aforementioned town are unforgettable. Also, they may or may not be disease-ridden “skanks”.

A tale of love, desire, and loss — set to a slightly tweaked version of the theme from The Twilight Zone — “Okoboji Girl” is on par with the likes of “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”, “Home Sweet Home”, and “Here I Go Again” in the pantheon of great power ballads.

Some Guy Who Has A Public Access Show in the Iowa Great Lakes Region’s video performance is no less impressive, with the kind of forced emoting that is required of such a deep, heart-felt composition. Are his fists clenched in pain? Yes. Does he throw himself up against door jambs in frustration? Again, yes. Does he awkwardly position himself center frame so that we may witness his mind-blowing finger work during an epic guitar solo? Once more, yes!
Yes, “Okoboji Girl” has it all, packed into four, stilted minutes. In the end it must be said that, truly, few have done more for a place that most people have never heard of than SGWHAPASITIGLR.

Okoboji Girl [YouTube] : poeTV

High atop his shelf in The Watcher in Toronto, Canada The Loneliest Cthulhu of All waits, weeping. From his precipitous perch he hangs his head, his muscles unable to support the massive weight of his Sadness; and really, who can blame him? Out of season the outlook for the future seems bleak; his stocking body and winter colors rendering him all but invisible in the heady days of spring. Perhaps once the weather turns, and the Earth once again shrivels under freezing conditions and slate skies he will rise triumphant over someone’s hearth. Until then he can do nothing but wallow, the promise of the future providing no solace.

Cthulhu Santa uploaded by ryancouldrey [Flickr] : Thanks, RyTron!

The first glance at any appropriately “zany” product from the Far East isn’t normally a time for introspective reflection. And yet, when faced with the knit knockers above, I found I simply couldn’t help but ponder the greater questions a creation such as these is apt to pose. Compelled to question the warm reception these crafted casabas garnered from the ever-raging garbage fire that serves as my brain.

My suspicion was simply that if these had been the brainchild of Wee Kemp, TruckNutz magnate and entrepreneur extraordinaire, in an attempt to expand his anatomic empire, they would be immediately regarded as tacky and tasteless. Where as, by dint of (seemingly) originating in Asia, they are more likely to be regarded as “quirky” and “cute”.

Thankfully, ChristWire was Johnny-on-the-spot, as it were, rectifying my assumptions with their own take on the tit-scarf:

As if the Chinese weren’t the most veil [sic] people already, they have invented a new scarf called the “Boob Scarf.”

What sick and twisted people they are. No wonder our good friend Amber post the great story “I Am Extremely Terrified Of Chinese People.”

I guess the scarf is suppose to be humorous and I guess it is if you’re a sin ridden, freedom hating Chinaman!

Women’s breasts are for one thing only and that is to feed a newborn. Not to be shown off in a sexual or humorous way!

These commie, sex crazed, child abusing wackos need to be nuked. To bad our Christian leader George Bush still isn’t in office. He would wipe these low lives out with a holy nuke from GOD!

BOO China! BOO!

Lest you assume this “Soldier of God” is nothing more than a weak-willed loon with regular access to a computer, I direct you to the ramblings of one Mr. JWZ, reporting on these very same removable boobs a full seven years ago. Gaze in drooling, slack-jawed horror at the state of things, and feel The Fear wash over you as you begin to understand. The rapidly declining quality of the world as we know it is, quite obviously, directly attributable to these fiendish crafts.

Boo indeed, China. Boo indeed.

Boob Scarf [Street Anatomy]

teenage werewolf uploaded by l’elk! [Flickr] : Good Conduct Well-Chastised : = woods =

There seems to be some dispute amongst the animals of the woods as to whether or not Mr. Ando is a penguin as he claims or is, in actuality, a human. There is no disputing that all of the aforementioned animals have the same, human face or that a fish sings a song about loving Mr. Ando and wishing to sleep with him even though he is a fish and smells very fishy. All this from the mind of Takashi Taniguchi.

Mr Ando of the Woods [YouTube] : Pink Tentacle

Well, perhaps not technically, but in actuality they probably should be. In a move that is not entirely surprising, but most definitely amusing, a group of like minded, able individuals made a concerted effort to help vote Christopher Poole, aka “Moot”, founder of internet cesspool 4chan, Time Magazine’s Most Influential Person of the year, crushing the likes of Barack Obama, Ron Paul, and Prince, simultaneously obliterating rules 1 and 2. They have also managed to sculpt the results of Time’s poll with interesting results, as can be seen in the screenshot above. Paul Lamere has the dirt on how it was all done for those who are interested. I can now look forward to denying any previous knowledge of /b to my grandparents and losing the Game every time I go to a newsstand or doctor’s office.

The World’s Most Influential Person Is … [Time] : Thanks, nic0!

Few people have done more for the state of Hawaii than Keanu Reeves. Even though he was born in Beirut and grew up in Toronto, Mr. Reeves’s forename forever ties him to the tiny string of islands, proving to America and the world that Hawaii is much more than a place to off-load your excess pork products and park your battleships. No, they also turn out respected thespians.

The evidence of this greatness can be seen in this clip of Keanu covering the first Canadian International Teddy Bear Convention for Going Great. Here we can see the beginnings of what would be a long and storied career. His ability to improvise with sunglasses, teddy bears, and young teddy bear enthusiast Graham Abbey — who absolutely, positively does not actually play with teddy bears but merely collects them and is every bit the man that you are, thank you very much — is a stunning example of the craft.

Indeed, even though Reeves expected for all manner of insanity; an orgy of stuffing and button eyes, he kept his cool throughout, even while walking the convention floor with superstar collector Graham Abbey — who, it should be pointed out, merely has an affinity for teddy bears and keeps them on display, never for one minute entertaining even the slightest urge to “play” with the ursine objects of his affection let alone stroke or fondle them in a manner that might be construed as inappropriate — Reeves stays a poised professional. Truly, one is witnessing the work of a future master.

Graham Abbey is happily married with five children and continues to resolutely deny allegations of cavorting with stuff bears.*

*This may or may not be true.

RetroBites: Keanu Reeves [YouTube]