Do You Know Your Children Are Smoking Smarties?
Posted by Ross Rosenberg
A disturbing trend has been spreading its way across YouTube. Across this great nation children, those young, innocent, sinless trustees of our future, are crushing up candy tablets into powder, inhaling it into their mouths before expelling it, giving the illusion of smoking. It’s horrible.
What has happened to today’s youth. In my day we didn’t use such chicanery to facilitate our desire to look cool. No, when we wanted to feel bad-ass and adult we stole cigarettes from our parents, or got Jimmy Hanson’s brother, who had been in eighth grade for at least 6 years and had a full moustache, to purchase cigarettes for us; allowing us to awkwardly light up and clumsily draw carcinogens directly into our fragile, virgin lungs.
So look on and despair, because these are the people who will helm this ship once you and I are arthritic and incontinent. It’s time to take a stand people; time to grab your kids and instill in them a reverence for danger and willful bodily harm. If you ever find your child “smoking” Smarties, it is your duty as a parent to smack it right out of their hands and shove a Marlboro into their mouth, and not a Marlboro Light either, I’m talking about a full-flavored, Cowboy Killer. It may seem harsh but really, it’s the only way they’re going to learn.
How To Smoke Smarties [YouTube] : poeTV
Categories: Childhood, Children, Rail, Smoking, WTF
Posted at 12:20 pm on March 5, 2009
30 Comments -
awww…its like watching The Wire: kids edition.
Comment by Henchbot — March 5, 2009 @ 12:26 pm
Oh god, watch this kid become a pusher in 5 years.
Comment by Mizer — March 5, 2009 @ 12:29 pm
In Canada, Smarties are something else; kinda like M&Ms. And definitely not smokable. Those look more like Rockets. I guess they’re pretty much the same thing as Rockets, with a different brand name.
Comment by Peregrine — March 5, 2009 @ 12:33 pm
So, people are teaching each other how to inhale on youtube now? Damn, I had to have a friend that had a terrible menthol cigarette habit help me. Good times.
(disclaimer: I don’t smoke anymore. It’s bad for my kung fu.)
Comment by Saoki — March 5, 2009 @ 12:46 pm
As Peregrine mentions, there are other, better Smarties out there, with delicious candy coating and lucious chocolate. mmmmmm…
Also, this is amature hour stuff. When I was in sixth grade I convinced several of my classmates that it was a good idea to snort pixie sticks (stix?). Yes, they would dump a little pile of it on the library table, rip both ends of the little paper straw, and proceed to rail that shit. It was absolutely amazing to watch.
Comment by Gia — March 5, 2009 @ 2:03 pm
Gia and Peregrine – While I am aware of these alternate Smarties I must admit an affinity for the American version.
Comment by Ross Rosenberg — March 5, 2009 @ 2:11 pm
Snorting pixie stix is pretty hardcore, but when I was a kid, we did the smoking effect using the paper cap gun ribbons. Hold one in your mouth, and scratch the cap with your finger nail, and breathe out a puff of smoke. Remember to clench the back of your throat, so you don’t inhale the smoke. You can also shape your mouth to amplify the sound.
Doesn’t taste as good, though.
Comment by Peregrine — March 5, 2009 @ 2:14 pm
And yeah, given the choice, I kinda prefer Rockets too. Nothing against the Canadian Smarties, they just don’t make very good candy pyramids.
Comment by Peregrine — March 5, 2009 @ 2:15 pm
Hell, when I was a kid they just made bubble gum cigarettes.
Comment by Mike — March 5, 2009 @ 3:43 pm
For a second there, I assumed this was going to be another local news scare-story. “YOUR CHILDRENS ARE LIGHTING THE CANDIES AND GETTING HIGH” sort of thing. But it’s not, and now I feel that scaremongering has let me down.
Comment by CJ — March 5, 2009 @ 4:07 pm
I remember bubble gum cigarettes, and Popeye brand candy cigarettes. They still have the Popeye candies, but they’re called “Candy Sticks” now. But in Halifax, there’s a store that still carries them as candy cigarettes.
Comment by Peregrine — March 5, 2009 @ 4:22 pm
time for a marlboro, thanks for reminding me it’s time to smoke.
Comment by Andy — March 5, 2009 @ 6:24 pm
Ahh, so this is like Rockets, the powder even creates a smoke effect when you open the package..
Comment by Chicken008 — March 5, 2009 @ 7:48 pm
I guess i shouldn’t be surprised at the number of Canadian drooglings, perhaps it has something to do with the climate. (Purely speaking from my experiences on Grand Manan Island N.B. AKA Skull Island AKA New Innsmouth).
Comment by schott — March 6, 2009 @ 7:44 pm
It’s true. I started with the small stuff, smarties, [mainly the red ones] moved into giant smarties and now it’s snowballed into m&ms.
Comment by Lonesbones — March 7, 2009 @ 8:32 pm
Hopefully he’ll move onto crack and kill himself before any more of us have to roll our eyes at such a pathetic claim to itnernet fame…
Comment by Someone — March 7, 2009 @ 8:54 pm
Haha, when I was younger we would take those Popeye sticks and burn the tips on candles and walk around with those in our moths xD
Smarties? Those look like Rockets.
Comment by Peach Blossom — March 7, 2009 @ 10:02 pm
We had candy cigarettes called ‘Fags’ when I was a lass. Though, they’ve changed the name to ‘Fads’ now.
But still, nothing like getting kids to pretend to smoke now, so they can do it for REAL later. Woo.
Comment by Erin — March 8, 2009 @ 4:12 am
Omg… *shudders*
Comment by Ann_Thrax — March 8, 2009 @ 4:16 pm
Why is there something very comforting about his voice?
Comment by Kingfisher — March 9, 2009 @ 2:06 am
I actually really like this kid, despite everything. Kingfisher is right, he’s just a chill little dude.
Comment by Eliza Gauger — March 11, 2009 @ 12:40 am
yeah. I’d buy my drugs off of him.
Comment by ectocooler — March 12, 2009 @ 11:57 am
this kid is seriously retarded. honestly if he want to be a poser and pretend to smoke, the we seriously should make him smoke a whole friggin pack of marlboros, not just one. the whole damn thing.
ps:
i love pixie stix
Comment by pinkee — March 15, 2009 @ 1:15 pm
Eliza’s right. I love this kid.
Comment by Mogo The Mugger — March 17, 2009 @ 12:28 am
Smarties are chocolates I thought?
These are rockets.
Comment by Casey — March 25, 2009 @ 10:23 am
Ok, when I was a kid we also did Pixie Stix, and candy cigs and real cigs, but there was an even greater horror. Snorting Pixie Stix isn’t so hardcore as one might think. Yes, it gives you colored snot and comes with it’s own snort straw but there is one step worse: Kool Aid.
I remember we convinced a kid on our school bus in the 8th grade to snort Kool Aid with sugar already in it. Not only does it taste delicious and make your snot colored, it also makes your nose bleed because the sugar tears holes in your sinuses… oh, what a laugh we had. *evil grin*
Comment by Euphoria — March 25, 2009 @ 2:03 pm
What is this crap about Marlboros? Growing up, I
used to steal my fathers’ Camels. Filters are for WHUSSES. How the hell do you spell whusses????
Comment by Dphilthy — April 9, 2009 @ 6:57 pm
what the crap!
Comment by candailina jansonight — April 9, 2009 @ 8:03 pm
THere not inhaling, there just sucking in the smarties dust into there mouth like sucking milk through a straw. Its no different then when they sold those candy cigarettes with the candy dust you’d suck into your mouth… Everyone needs to get over it. Every kid pretends to smoke, next its going to be cold air.
Comment by Frozin — April 25, 2009 @ 11:24 pm
Whats so bad about smarties and drugs if your not doing them then dont care its that easy and if your kids are doing them just stop them it not that hard
Comment by pierre — August 6, 2009 @ 5:15 pm