Monkey Fur

Gloria Swanson wearing what may or may not be a monkey fur coat. “Wearing” may not be a completely apt description, as both her expression and posture give her the air of a coat rack, upon which a number of simian pelts have been draped. It is strikingly reminiscent of our own Miss Gauger who makes annual trips to various, monkey-laden locales where she lures the poor beast with indigenous delicacies. When the timid anthropoids are within range, she quickly dispatches them either with a single shot from her pearl handled Derringer or a swift and brutal blow with “Esmeralda” her trusty and ever present truncheon.

I once asked her why there was a need for such trips, especially when one considers that before each murderous campaign she ritually burns the Ulster fashioned from the previous year’s harvest, regardless of its condition. “The only good monkey coat is a fresh monkey coat,” she replied and began to absentmindedly caress Esmeralda. I realized then that it would be best if our conversation concluded and quickly made my exit, leaving the barely audible sound of Eliza’s whispering behind me.

Monkey Fur? [vintagephoto]