Re-Hymenizing Is Extra
Posted by Ross Rosenberg
Virginity remains, in many parts of the world and to many people, a prized commodity; a trophy unsullied by the genitalia and bodily fluids of others. So sought after is this package in its unopened state that a surgical operation is available, the hymenoplasty, to reinstate or repair a woman’s hymen, once again restoring freshness with a newly minted vacuum seal.
For those who don’t wish to go through the rigors of surgery or who simply lost their virginity by accident, either by riding a horse or by tripping and falling upon a gentleman’s exposed penis, a Chinese company offers this home solution. The description for this ersatz maidenhead is set forth in perfect Engrish:
No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction.
As you can see, the real selling point here is the products ability to release just the right amount of blood-like fluid. It is a testament to the manufacturer’s knowledge of deflowering, for surely nothing would be more embarrassing than, upon the insertion of your lover’s penis, a crimson geyser exploded forth from the depths of your vagina, flinging him backwards from the force and bathing him in faux-hemoglobin. At that point there might, I suspect, be some explaining to do.
Artificial Virginity Hymen [Gigimo] : Jezebel : grinding.be : #ectomo
Categories: Bodily Fluids, Gurls Gurls Gurls, Nymphs, Sex, WTF
Posted at 1:23 pm on January 12, 2009
15 Comments -
It’s the JAPANESE version that offers a crimson geyser that explodes forth from the depths of your vagina. And tentacles. Available in vending machines. Soon to be the subject of a new hit TV game show.
Comment by Jason - GorillaSushi — January 12, 2009 @ 1:39 pm
Nothing says love like the Crimson Geyser model followed by “What have you done?!”
Comment by PlatypusQ — January 12, 2009 @ 7:36 pm
stealth vag super power go! with only minor seepage!
Comment by jup? — January 12, 2009 @ 8:20 pm
I’m happy without mine :D
Comment by Dr Nautilus — January 12, 2009 @ 9:16 pm
Um…
oh my….hmmm.
“crimson geyser that explodes forth from the depths of your vagina”
-I giggled
Comment by Shwayla — January 12, 2009 @ 10:40 pm
“you will pass through undetectable”
FASCINATING
Comment by Kingfisher — January 12, 2009 @ 10:49 pm
Jesus fucking Christ! I would never put something from China in my vag if I was a woman! Lord knows what kind of unapproved chemicals it’s made out of!
Comment by Oni — January 12, 2009 @ 10:54 pm
This isn’t funny either…my brother tried to re-hymenize, and…oh, nevermind.
Comment by eltiburo — January 13, 2009 @ 12:01 am
‘Let’s play’
Ok, let’s play. You bring the Gigimo and cheerleader skirt, I bring the pompoms and warm beer. Let’s party like it’s 1999!
I see so many bad angles to this gizmo. From mentioned, possible chinese QC chemical nastiness to ending up tangled in some paternity/shotgun wedding suits (‘You were the first, you saw it!’).
Or maybe somwthing useful to fool the King out of is royal rights on wedding night….
Comment by Optical — January 13, 2009 @ 3:10 am
“Dope mules! Worried about cavity searches? With the new Bondo Re-Hymenator you’ll sail through Customs!”
Of course, I have a low and suspicious mind.
Comment by Ygolonac — January 13, 2009 @ 8:53 am
“…it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount.”
I don’t know what it is but this line just makes me laugh hysterically until I’m nothing more than a quivering mass of ectoplasmic jelly.
Comment by BobDog — January 13, 2009 @ 4:41 pm
now if they just added these to the opening of every female condom, they might actually have something…
Comment by Narayana — January 14, 2009 @ 11:56 am
From my perspective I’d be rather disappointed if a girl felt she had to lie to me on such a matter.
Comment by wtfman — January 17, 2009 @ 1:47 am
LOL! Wait ’til the people from http://www.truelovewaits.com hears about this XD
Comment by nephilim — January 19, 2009 @ 10:49 pm
I used this product as a play game with my boy friend, and we both loved it!
Ordered in from http://www.hymenshop.com and got it delivered to the UK without a problem
Comment by Najla Al-Faur — August 16, 2010 @ 5:36 am