In Hong Kong, Bench Fucks You
Posted by Ross Rosenberg
On the night of August 7th, Hong Kong police received a frantic call from a 41 year-old gentleman named Xing. He informed the officer that he was trapped in LianTan park. His stated reason? It seems that while meandering through the park, he had espied the salacious, perforated curves of one of the many benches dotting the grounds and, seeing that no one was around, he decided to do what any right-thinking, virile man would do. He decided to fuck it.
Problems soon enough presented themselves when Xing realized that the object of his affection had so firm a grasp on his member that he was unable to extricate himself. In a panic, he called the police who, finding his penis too swollen with blood to safely remove from the bench, were forced to cut the bench free and transport it, with lover attached, to the hospital where it was removed. Doctors remarked that, had he remained in the bench’s embrace for much longer, they would have had to remove his genitals in order to free him.
Let this serve as a lesson to all you would-be bench sodomites. Yes, they may be sexy and, yes, they may be “asking for it”, what with their polished surfaces and their exposed fastenings; but behind the weather beaten paint and wrought iron there is a darker side. There is a price to pay for your late night dalliances. Can you afford it?
Original Story [atnext] : Weird Asia News
Categories: Inanimate Objects, Perverts, Sex, WTF
Posted at 12:55 pm on August 8, 2008
16 Comments -
I blame the park system. Until they make benches with larger holes they are prettymuch begging for this to keep happening.
Comment by Hlaode — August 8, 2008 @ 1:13 pm
ProTip: Never fuck anything that has more structural integrity than you do.
Comment by Joe Shadows — August 8, 2008 @ 2:21 pm
Let this be a lesson: Always Use Lube.
Comment by snoozebar — August 8, 2008 @ 2:34 pm
Wow, I never realized how lucky I have been. All my bench fucking has just ended in pure bliss. I didn’t even fathom one of my beloved benches could turn on me like this!
(anyone else notice that the google ad to the right is for benches.com ha-ha-haaa!!)
Comment by industrialgirl — August 8, 2008 @ 5:27 pm
Yeah, the Google Ads for this page are particularly amusing. I think my favorite so far is Hallway & Entry Benches – in light of the article, it reads like a Russian bride broker.
Comment by CJ — August 8, 2008 @ 8:29 pm
That man should just be glad the fabled Bench Dentata is a myth…
Comment by Maicro — August 9, 2008 @ 1:18 am
Poor guy must have been desperate. Man, those metal benches are cold….
….or so i’ve heard. Uhu.
Comment by Optical — August 9, 2008 @ 1:46 am
What, no jaws of life? Ouch.
Comment by bg — August 9, 2008 @ 2:00 am
@industrialgirl
dunno.. for some reason I think your private life involving benches might be a lot safer than that poor sod^^
Comment by andy — August 9, 2008 @ 7:59 am
Wow, really?
Those are mighty small holes.
Kinda makes me feel good about my own equipment.
Comment by gore_on_the_floor — August 10, 2008 @ 11:16 am
Plus, there might be spiders living under the bench!
Comment by StinkyWIgFiddle — August 10, 2008 @ 5:19 pm
It was the chewing gum stuck on the underside of the bench that got him.
Comment by Mogothe Mugger — August 10, 2008 @ 9:28 pm
Plus, there might be spiders living under the bench!
Are they sure the dude’s name isn’t Rant Casey?
Comment by Optical — August 11, 2008 @ 2:09 am
omg i cant even get my big toes into those tiny holes. I am not surprised he had to f that bench !
Comment by sabhksab — August 12, 2008 @ 4:00 pm
Rule 36 lives on and fights strong.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RuleThirtySix
Comment by groonk — August 12, 2008 @ 5:53 pm
as i say,
“when a stupid idea involves screwing, your the one that will get screwed.”
Comment by anthony — August 24, 2008 @ 8:32 pm