The Good Ol’ Days
Posted by Ross Rosenberg
As this ad from 1944 so astutely points out, there was a halcyon era when a man whose domestic servant wife presented him with a less than satisfactory meal, could lay into her with his ring hand with zeal of a bare-knuckle prize fighter at a Clown Punching club. Those days are gone, however, and the young people with their absurd, namby-pamby, “feminist” ideas have cast a bad light on what is now known as “domestic abuse” but was once more commonly known as “constructive corporal criticism” (CCC).
Indeed, in the absence of physical punishment husbands are left with few ways to voice their displeasure with the culinary talents of their private cooks wives. As Heinz is well aware, boredom expressed through yawning — or, perhaps, terrible halitosis; the illustration leaves room for either — is, at the current juncture, one of the few, fool-proof means to impress upon these women that their dishes are not up to par. Never mind the fact that one would assume that these women wouldn’t have to be reminded of the fact that their husbands did them a favor by marrying them in the first place, providing them with money and a home, allowing them to birth and rear their children, thereby saving them from a sad, empty life as a common prostitute or a frigid, spinster librarian.
So it’s a good fucking thing for them that the happy Heinz Chef is there to save their asses with his delicious soups, for how else would these “sensitive souls” be able to deal with ignominy of a man struck dumb with ennui at dinnertime. It’s almost too painful to imagine.
Vintage Toronto Ads: How to Prevent a Domestic Disturbance [Torontoist] : Vintage Ads
Categories: Ads, Advertising, Bitches, Food, Irony, Vintage, Violence, WTF
Posted at 9:47 am on June 2, 2008
6 Comments -
I know it shouldn’t be funny, but it is in fact hilarious. “Most husbands, nowadays, have stopped beating their wives.”
Comment by Giania — June 2, 2008 @ 10:48 am
So the answer to your banal meals is… soup. Somehow I found that anachronism funnier than wife beating or poorly done skin graft on the happy chef. I wouldn’t expect any less from a company that sells catsup and ketchup at the same time, or Heinz Spotted Dick.
Comment by Hlaode — June 2, 2008 @ 11:14 am
I consulted with the Others about this a long time ago and we’ve found the collective amount of chaos has risen since the female motral species has been given more “freedoms”. It was a good suggestion that has reapt more then we could ever hoped for.
-Aza
Comment by Azathoth — June 2, 2008 @ 11:45 am
I concur with Aza, the allowance of such ‘freedoms’ given to the female species has propogated a great deal more chaos and sown dissent at exponential levels within the last 150 years. The Elder gods are pleased at the results. Though the Constructive Corporal Criticism has become a stigma in today’s society, not all violence is good violence; there was a time when its function was necessary, now plans have moved beyond such base actions.
Come November, we hope to reach a successful milestone of a chaotic experiment. By shifting society to a matriarchal regime the deterioration of humanity will plummet into darkness, making the inevitable destruction of all things a reality.
Pray Cthulhu kills you first mercilessly.
Comment by epheros — June 2, 2008 @ 2:48 pm
I gotta say, if being bored with dinner was ever considered a reason to slap a lady around, we’ve come a lot further than I’d thought.
Comment by CJ — June 3, 2008 @ 2:29 am
This just points out why our sammiches aren’t as delicious anymore…
Comment by Covert7 — June 3, 2008 @ 9:58 pm