I Am Iron Man
Posted by Ross Rosenberg
Babel Fish insists that the tag-line screams “With this in God hand!” while the description — somewhat unsurprisingly — references echoing and mechanical impact. What is known for sure is that this terrifying device is a vibrator meant to be strapped onto one’s hand, or penis as is shown on the product page, and then in theory, used to pleasure another human being. I’m really not sure who is shelling out the money for this or who in their right mind would let someone wielding one of these things anywhere near their genitals; either way it does little to assuage the fear that the device instills in me. Nothing about it says “consensual”, that much is certain.
Links are NSFW.
Dendou Massager [Daimaoh] : Secret Japan : Kanojo Toys
Categories: Japan, NSFW, Rape, Sex, Toys
Posted at 12:40 pm on April 28, 2008
12 Comments -
Isn’t this pretty much the same as those old-school scalp massagers barbers used to whip out?
You know… the things Michael Palin was using on his face post-interrogation in Brazil. (The newest Criterion DVD of which, by the way, I watched on Saturday. It looks SO PRETTY.)
Comment by V. Blame — April 28, 2008 @ 1:24 pm
Yeah, the barber I went to growing up had one of those. Looks just like it.
Comment by Dave Ross — April 28, 2008 @ 1:27 pm
that hand model looks like a childs hand. furthermore, i would imagine that one could travel through time with this monstrous thing.
Comment by thefileclerk — April 28, 2008 @ 2:28 pm
harHAR!
the japanslation of the page is HAI-sterical (i used google – ymmv)
“Kato hand to hawk more than God” indeed!
and
“I have a laser beam.”
and
“this HANDIBAIBU Takahashi Meijin button if you have the ability to beat gunfire also do not know.”
Comment by Haux — April 28, 2008 @ 2:31 pm
I don’t know what it is, and I don’t care. All I know is DO FUCKING WANT!!
Comment by Oni — April 28, 2008 @ 5:57 pm
Japan is letting me down. You should be releasing sprays of nanomachines at your partners, or portable proto-shoggoths, not aiming what appears to be a cocktail shaker with an AC adapter strapped to a harddrive with test your strength bands.
Unless it’s meant to be used with robot girls. In which case, I’ll take several.
Comment by Pat — April 28, 2008 @ 7:12 pm
The headline of this article is on to something because, much like in the case of the woodchuck, I find my wondering “how much rape could Iron Man rape if Iron Man could rape with this thing?”
I think the answer is a cold, resounding, and painfully obvious: “A lot.”
Comment by InvasiveInfection — April 28, 2008 @ 9:12 pm
By “Iron Man” I was assuming they meant Iron Man Tetsuo (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096251/). Ne?
Comment by Thom M — April 29, 2008 @ 3:45 am
oh man iron man tetsuo meets iron man tony stark in a 24 hour rape off? AWESOME.
also thank you ectomo, i can no longer go to the barbers without fear of metal fetishists.
Comment by G F Evans — April 29, 2008 @ 1:11 pm
Also, this particular machine actually stinks. I mean physically: when it’s switched on a runs awhile, the oil overheats, causing an unpleasant… um, aroma.
Comment by Elmo — April 29, 2008 @ 6:12 pm
I used to have one of these. I remember it’s gyrations were more akin to a paint mixer than anything I’d use to polish someone’s delicates, but that’s just me. I think it ended up as someone’s graduation present…
Comment by Ty — April 30, 2008 @ 9:16 am
My parents had one of these! The coiled bands holding anchoring it to the hand never failed to rip out tiny hairs when you removed the device. It only had one setting, which was teeth shaking.
Comment by Camilla Taylor — May 3, 2008 @ 6:44 pm