Noise du Jour: “Lola” by The Kinks
Posted by John Brownlee
Amongst a certain class of intelligent 60’s-raised parents, The Kinks’ “Lola” is played as a litmus test to determine whether or not the child is too retarded to live. Why invest years of investment in your pink loin monkey when three minutes can determine his net potential to humanity? Criminal sociologists need look no further than Lola Versus Powerman and the Money-Go-Round Part One to identify the major cause of infant bathtub drownings.
The test goes like this: at an early age, you play “Lola” for your child. If he or she starts singing along, the kid’s worth keeping. If not, you draw your darling a bath, get drunk and try concocting a different genetic congeal. Genius can be determined if your toddler identifies Lola as a transvestite within the first listen.
Eliza and I both had hip parents who tested us on “Lola.” If you must procreate, do the world a favor and play your child “Lola.” If your child fails the test, do what must be done. The world will be a far better place.
The Kinks – Lola [POETV]
Categories: Noise du Jour, Transvestites
Posted at 5:32 am on July 7, 2007
15 Comments -
I mustn’t procreate. But I’ll keep it in mind (the retard test, not procreating).
Just in case.
Comment by Sloopydrew — July 7, 2007 @ 5:50 am
Procreate ? and procreate what ? Chickens maybe !? If you feel maternal , adopt ! Reverend chris korda would agree.
Comment by Camillo Miller — July 7, 2007 @ 7:28 am
ahhhhhhhhhh! screw you john ! you infected me , I just can’t stop hummin’ it ! dammit !
Comment by Camillo Miller — July 7, 2007 @ 8:54 am
I do believe I passed this test. I had good parents
Comment by Ian — July 7, 2007 @ 10:22 am
My parents did a similar test with me, but they played the song of a brazilian singer named Toquinho.
If anyone is interested, the song was “Aquarela”.
Yes, I passed.
Comment by Leandro — July 7, 2007 @ 11:03 am
My two year old bounces around like a child possessed every time I play “The Village Green Preservation Society”… and for that he scores double points.
Comment by thefinn — July 7, 2007 @ 11:38 am
I love how fake that performance is. They’re not plugged in, Ray Davies doesn’t even lean into the mic half of the time, and the band either looks disinterested or is giggling about the ridiculousness of it all.
Still, I love the song and it’s a fun “performance.” :)
Comment by Matthew — July 7, 2007 @ 2:54 pm
Word up, Flor.
Comment by Eliza Gauger — July 7, 2007 @ 3:25 pm
Matthew: Of course they’re lip-syncing. I don’t remember this exact video, but I was 14 and growing up in Berkeley, CA, when this song came out, so you bet I know it well.
Younger audiences then were not a fraction as media-savvy as they are today. We liked seeing bands on TV doing their hits, but we wanted the sound to be exactly the same as on the 45 we had. So they had to sync. And yes, they knew how silly it all was.
Live concerts were different, as they were, well, live, and we expected variants. But TV appearances required sticking to the 45, even though they were pretending to perform live. Inconsistent? Sure, but human.
Comment by Steve T. — July 7, 2007 @ 8:18 pm
Hell, I -still- sometimes get disappointed when I go to a concert, the band plays my favorite song and they just fuck up every single thing that made it great.
But yeah, amongst the many things I decided not to comment on so I could go with the whole baby-killing angle… watch the face of the drummer through this whole video. He’s just so bored, so contemptuous.
Here’s some warts and all live performances:
Live on SNL in 1977.
This performance is pretty famous, and is the version of Lola featured on Come Dancing With The Kinks: The Best of 1977-1986. It’s pretty awesome, with the microphones mixed right, but watch the audience fuck up the sing along.
Comment by John Brownlee — July 8, 2007 @ 3:13 am
[...] Ectomo’s litmus test of child worthiness is good for the younger set, it is often good to present your little parasite with further [...]
Pingback by RKNet Blog… thing » Reponse Noise: Lou Reed - “Wild Side” — July 8, 2007 @ 4:21 pm
My parents put me through the test. I failed. Since then, I live with a crashed skull. Oh, it hurts a lot!
Comment by Kermit — July 9, 2007 @ 4:02 pm
Heh, I thought you were just choking, but for a laugh I brought in my four year old. Sure enough, by the end of the song it was “Wooowa whoa whoa wooowa.”
Now to question him about the underlying meaning!
Comment by skinner — July 10, 2007 @ 4:15 pm
Jeebus, /joking/.
Comment by skinner — July 10, 2007 @ 4:15 pm
Let’s see…so you’re saying kill the baby if he or she doesn’t know this idiotic song. For some reason, I always suspected they were lying when they said infant mortality is higher in India. Now I know why.
Comment by home remedies for plantar warts — February 6, 2008 @ 10:02 pm